About Me

Whether you’re just curious about kink, or you’re trying to live the BDSM lifestyle 24/7 — you’re in the right place.

Maybe you…

  • Have no idea how to get started.
  • Need help improving and growing as a Dominant or submissive.
  • Feel isolated. You wish more people could relate to this lifestyle you’re wanting to live.

No matter where you are in your journey, I created Dom Sub Living to help you explore real BDSM

Between porn and “50 Shades of Grey”, there are so many misconceptions out there about BDSM. I’ll show you exactly what works and how you can start living an amazing, kinky lifestyle now, in and out of the bedroom.

With my how-to articles and guides, I want to help you get the knowledge and support you need to get the most out of BDSM and to practice it safely.


Who am I?

Dom Sub Living About Me Alesandra BDSM

My name is Alesandra, and I am OBSESSED with teaching new and experienced Doms and subs how to make their lives more fulfilling through BDSM.

I’ve proudly been in this community for years, as a 24/7 submissive in a monogamous marriage.  My BDSM roles are sub, masochist, and Daddy’s little girl.   Also my vanilla roles are stay-at-home wife, and mother to two young children.

Through online courses, free articles, a training community, and more, I’ve helped over 20,000 kinksters LIKE YOU, live the lifestyle they always wanted.

How did this become my life?

Daddy and I enjoyed kink pretty much our whole marriage, and we would do light BDSM during sex. It wasn’t until we had been married for a while that I started getting interested in the lifestyle.  I had always called him Daddy, because I really felt like he was that protective, dominating role in my life.  But then I wanted more.

I started researching BDSM online and immediately everything just clicked: this was what I had always been wanting, and not only that, this is what I needed.

I approached my husband, shared what I had read, and told him that I wanted this 24/7. And more importantly, I needed him to want it too.  He’s always willing to try anything, and in some ways he’s more kinkier than me, so he agreed.  I mean, what husband wouldn’t jump for the opportunity to make their wife have sex whenever they wanted?

We wrote a contract, and renegotiated and collaborated frequently.  He asked me many times: “Are you sure this is what you want?” He was afraid that I would someday admit to being fake, that I was just doing it for him, and that I didn’t really want it.  That never happened, and it never will, so eventually he stopped asking.

I was happily surprised how seriously he took on his new role.  He did research, made up new rituals for me, and of course the sex became hotter and hotter.  However, it was really our relationship that saw the most improvement.  We were able to discover together what it truly means to be Dominant and submissive.

All of this naturally led to me wanting to start a website with my Daddy’s permission. Because now I want to help others LIKE YOU, build their own, amazing BDSM lifestyle, too. 🖤

Thank you so much for being here! I’d love to have you join me and my community of 20,000+ curious and experienced BDSM members.


22 thoughts on “About Me”

  1. My husband and I are newly married and this is our second marriage for both of us. We started thinking about different thing to do to spice up our marriage. Not that is was lacking by any means. We also just felt like there was no since of order. We both really got a lot out of this page and are very excited for this chapter of our life. Being in a Dom/ Sub role make us both better to each other and just betters ourselves. Accountability and honesty in a marriage is so important and this really makes us even closer. Thanks for all the info!

    1. Thank you so much for reading and sharing about your journey! I truly believe BDSM can really deepen a relationship, and through training we can become better versions of ourselves. My Dom and I have grown so much and we could never go back. We’ve found so much fulfillment. Our only regret is we didn’t discover this sooner. Keep focused in your roles even in the difficult times, and your relationship will only get better and better.

  2. Thank you so much for this site! I’m not in a BDSM relationship nor have ever been in one since I’m just getting used to this idea. But this site helps A LOT and I do enjoy reading this. It much more informative then any other sites I’ve seen, nor does it tell you how exactly to behave or else, it kinda leaves that idea up to you. Thank you!

  3. Hi Alesandra,
    Thank you so much for investing so much of yourself, time and experience to help others find a fulfilling life that fits us and makes us happy!
    I love you for what you are doing! I know you’re keeping me safe and I’m grateful!
    I’m only just realizing that I am meant to be a sub. Hopefully I will have a kind and loving Daddy someday. but until then I will continue to read and learn from wonderful women like you! (Currently you are in a class all of your own. But you’re all I need and I appreciate it).
    Be well.
    Kind regards,

  4. Hi,
    I really want to be a sub and I casually walked into something I thought I wanted to do. I do call him daddy but we’ve never met and I always cause him to want him to punish me and not come and see me. I’m not sure if this kind of relationship is something explained here. He says he has about 4 other girls who call him Daddy. Is this kind of relationship normal of this lifestyle? Mind you, I have never done this before and I was curious and I know I want to be a submissive, I’m just not sure if I want to be his. He’s okay with me having sex with other men as long i video it. I need more information on how to deal with this and not give up so easy on him. Thanks for listening.

    Oh, I don’t usually have a choice if I don’t like something. I was under the impression that a sub has to also agree with any activity that takes place. If I don’t want to video he gets really upset and leaves me hanging in the balance for days at a time. His punishment. I just want someone who is a sub who can guide me on what to do. I’ve never done this before. He also has sex with all types of women every night and not just the other subs. Is this behavior normal or am I not really ready to be a sub?

    1. In my opinion I would get out. My Master says he is not a true Dom and is using it for sex! As a submissive I can tell my Master if I don’t like something and he usually don’t make me do it. I don’t feel that you should have to share a Master but that is my personal preference

  5. I think this is a beautiful way to live. If I do something wrong and my husband gives me the belt or grabs me by my hair and drags me to the bedroom crawling behind him for some rough sex, I feel purified. That’s what punishment does for us. He’s no longer angry and I feel giddy instead of guilty. And I can tell how moved he is when I’m overtly submissive like when I curl up naked at his feet. He pulls me up and just holds me. But I have only known loving Dom/Sub.

  6. Hi Tasha,
    As someone who has dealt with a fake Dom, I’m going to agree with Crissy here.
    This man in my opinion is not a true loving Dom. He is claiming to be a Dom for his own sexual pleasure and abusing you and others in the process…and yes a sub should always retain the power to say NO and be treated with proper respect. For your own protection please consider getting out!

  7. I have a question- perhaps someone can help me! I’ve been perusing these articles and it’s been very helpful. Something I’m struggling with: I have had a strong desire to be submissive in entirety from a very young age- something I’ve known about myself since I was a teen actually- my deepest longing has been for a 24/7 TPE D/s style relationship (as the bottom). I suppressed that side of myself due to various reasons, met a man I was very drawn to due to his dominant attitude, and we fell in love and got married. I wouldn’t say we were ever fully “vanilla” but we had always mutually explored/been adventurous with things we tried. About a year ago he expressed a deep interest in being a slave…. to… ME. and I’ve been attempting to do this for him but I’m extremely stressed out by this. Being in control makes me feel panicky and anxious, emotionally, and it’s starting to drive a wedge between us. I’ve tried to communicate This to him but he doesn’t seem to get it, no matter how I say it. I’m hoping to make some kind of switch contract- as in, I’m happy to compromise against my submissive nature/desires but I cannot emotionally handle being dominant all the time (and it is not something I enjoy at all- I solely would do that for him). But I need him to compromise too. If anyone has advice on how to get a beneficial contract going, that would be awesome! Thank you!

  8. Your website has been a large inspiration and help to myself and my partner.

    Do you know of any same sex, male/male, resources available? While almost all of your content can be applied to any relationship, sometimes the queer community has a few niche areas that don’t translate from a heterosexual relationship.

    Thanks for all of the time and energy you put into helping others create the lifestyle they want.

    1. You’re very welcome, Sean!

      I actually have quite a few same sex couples (including Male/male) in my Dom Sub Training course, and I offer resources for the queer community in Lesson 7. 😉

  9. I am recently divorced from a Covert Narcissistic man who in five years took every bit of my confidence and trust away from me. I am a Empath by nature, I have defined myself by the pleasure I give to my partner. I cant seem to accept someone wanting to pleasure me at all. (nor have I ever had it) I recently met a man I am totally intrigued with. I haven’t every experienced this feeling before. He is a Dom, my question is could this lifestyle help me to trust as well as return my self confidence ? I feel totally broken, needy & my life seems out of sink.

  10. HI Alesandra,
    At the moment I live in a country that women are very strong and as a result don’t see many alpha males many been emancipated.
    Long story short, I have been on my own for 10 years, one of the reasons is that nothing tingled my lady bits enough to change my very carefree single life.
    Fast forward to the present, I put my big girls panties on and dipped my toes into this world as kinda knew since I was very young that I liked being punished (not by parents),childhood friend twisted my arm (not painfully) to make me tell a secret. I didn’t know what it was, but it felt funny in a good way.
    Met my Sir online and was struggling to complete submit (still am), but every time I take a step forward to him the happier I become.
    I was able to take this step thanks to you, your website is amazing gave me the push I needed. I still have lots to explore in here, just wanted to say thank you for helping me in this beautiful journey.

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