A Guide to Dom/sub for Starters & BDSM for Beginners
Many people who are curious about kink want to know the quickest way to get started and learn BDSM.
When you’re just a BDSM beginner, confusion is not uncommon. It can be really frustrating to try to figure out what a Dominant or submissive is all about. If you don’t get started the right way, you’re going to waste a lot of time and effort as you try to create a Dom/sub lifestyle. And your sexual experiences are going to languish in the interim.
But dominance and submission are just one aspect of BDSM. What’s the best way to quickly start putting it all into practice? This guide about BDSM for starters covers everything you need to know. Enjoy!
*If you want to help your partner be more dominant, submissive, or kinky, be sure to check out my new workshop.*
BDSM is an acronym for bondage and discipline (B&D), dominance and submission (D&S), and sadism and masochism (S&M)
Here are details about what each part of the acronym stands for if you are learning BDSM. Consider this your cheat sheet for BDSM basics.
B- Bondage
Bondage is one of the fundamental aspects of a Dominant/submissive relationship. To some, it may seem like just a kinky “fetish”, but real sexual gratification comes from bondage. The pleasure is derived from rendering the restrained person vulnerable to a variety of acts, including sexual ones. Engaging in BDSM doesn’t always rely on bondage, but when it does, the pleasure can be out of this world!
Read more: 8 Ways to Enjoy Bondage
D- Discipline
A lot of Dominant/submissive relationships have discipline and punishments. After all, no sub is perfect. Correction may be needed from time to time when they break the rules. Doms need to know how to punish effectively, though, because subs can feel neglected when it isn’t done in the proper way.
Discipline is also commonly paired with safe words so the sub can communicate if the Dom is going too far with their discipline. We outline discipline in our punishment-centric BDSM basics series, which you can access below.
Read more: How to Punish a Sub Effectively
D- Dominance (Dom)
In the BDSM world, “Dominant” is a word that’s thrown around a lot. Being a Dom can seem very appealing. Most are men who want to be more dominant in bed, but also in their relationships, and even in life in general.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of fake doms out there who are not worthy of submission. Therefore, make sure you know what it truly means to be a real Dom.
A dominant partner is all about ensuring rules are laid out and followed. The sub (more on this in a minute) looks to their Dom for both guidance and correction. When their role play or sexual activities fall outside of expectations, only the Dom should be equipped to say so.
Read more: The Ultimate Guide to Being a Dominant
S- Submission (Sub)
Serving a Dominant is a very fulfilling lifestyle—as you may know, I am a proud sub, myself.
However, many submissive beginners are lost. They don’t know what the role entails. And when roleplay breaks down, as it does in a lot of beginner BDSM encounters, trouble starts to brew. The entire sexual experience can be thrown off course and the relationship can become unsettled.
Many times, they are just looking for someone to fix them, to make them feel more complete. In all honesty, though, being a sub is a lot of work, mentally, emotionally, and sexually. Make sure you know what it truly means to be a good sub.
If you haven’t practiced BDSM before and want to learn how to be a good sub, check out my submissive BDSM guide below.
Read more: The Ultimate Guide to Being a Submissive
S- Sadism
Sadism involves getting pleasure from inflicting pain, suffering, or humiliation on someone else. Sadism can involve either emotional pain or the physical pain one might get during impact play.
When practicing sadism, always keep and respect the three principles of SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual). This is what separates BDSM activities from criminal abuse or neurotic, psychopathic behavior.
Have fun, but make sure to always play responsibly.
Read more: The Ultimate Guide to a Safe BDSM Lifestyle
M- Masochism
Even if you enjoy receiving pain or being humiliated, it has to be done with a sound mind. One of the best ways to make sure you’re not just engaging in self-destructive behavior is to set limits. Even if you don’t have a BDSM partner yet, it’s good to have your boundaries clear in mind. This way, you’ll be prepared when you’re ready to start playing.
Read more: BDSM Limits: Learn What’s Hard and Soft
Now that we’ve gone over everything the BDSM acronym stands for, it stands to reason you want to go deeper. You may now be wondering, How do I get started in the lifestyle?
Thankfully, I’ve put together a ton of resources that go beyond my introduction to BDSM insights!
Check out: How to Go from Vanilla to BDSM and kink
If you’re totally ready to start playing now, but you don’t have a partner yet, no problem! I’ve got just the companion piece for my BDSM for beginners guide.
Check out: Exactly What to Do When You Don’t Have a Partner
Lastly, if you’re a beginner to BDSM, it helps to keep deepening your practice. If you want to really become a satisfied full-time Dom or sub, make sure you subscribe to my FREE newsletter. Subscribing will give you exclusive access to exclusive content I don’t share here on the blog. Click here to sign up for the free newsletter
Get Started In BDSM
I hope this introduction to BDSM has been both informative and enticing. And hopefully now you see, how to start BDSM isn’t as scary as it might seem.
Being a BDSM beginner is an exciting time on your kink journey. I still fondly remember my own first steps into BDSM.
Just remember, beginner BDSM doesn’t need to be vanilla. But it should be safe and consensual between you and your partner. As one final resource, consider putting together a BDSM contract with your partner. Trust me when I say, it will make things even easier as you dip your toe in BDSM’s dark little pool.
Learning how to start BDSM play safely and effectively can usher you into a new world of pleasure (and, by even measure, pain). So, get excited.
When you join the BDSM community, you’re joining a safe space. You’re aligning with fellow kinksters who are very much into the same things you are. And you’re opening the doors to new experiences and sensations.
Remember, you shouldn’t compare where you are and where someone else is in practicing the lifestyle. Be proud of yourself for being a beginner. Keep this feeling close to your heart as you continue to use this beginner’s guide to BDSM.
When you educate yourself as much as you can, watch as everything falls into place. Soon, you’ll find the details of this BDSM guide are just a part of your natural practice. And in time, you’ll be an experienced Dom or sub, and will be able to help other beginners on their journey as well.🖤
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Keep reading: Newbie myths you need to stop believing >>
