• Skip to main content
  • Skip to footer

BDSM Training Courses

| Discover BDSM Classes & Relationship Training Online - Dom Sub Living

  • Home
  • About
  • Online Trainings
  • Mastermind
  • Blog
  • Free Resources
  • Contact
  • Student Login

A Beginner’s Guide to BDSM and Dom/sub

Many people who are curious about kink want to know the quickest way to get started. When you’re just a BDSM beginner, it can be really frustrating to try and figure out what a Dominant or submissive is all about.  If you don’t get started the right way, you’re going to waste a lot of time and effort as you try to create a Dom/sub lifestyle.  But dominance and submission is just one aspect of BDSM.  What’s the best way to quickly start putting it all into practice? This guide covers everything you need to know.  Enjoy!

*If you want to help your partner be more dominant, submissive, or kinky, be sure to check out my new workshop.*

Beginner Guide Bdsm Dom Sub Dominant Submissive Submission

BDSM is an acronym for bondage and discipline (B&D), dominance and submission (D&S), and sadism and masochism (S&M)

B- Bondage

Bondage is one of the fundamental aspects of a Dominant/submissive relationship.  To some, it may seem like just a kinky “fetish”, but real sexual gratification comes from bondage. The pleasure is derived from rendering the restrained person vulnerable to a variety of acts including sexual ones.

Read more:  8 Ways to Enjoy Bondage (Click here)

D- Discipline

A lot of Dominant/submissive relationships have discipline and punishments. After all, no sub is perfect.  Correction can be needed from time to time when they break the rules.  Doms need to know how to punish effectively though, because subs can feel neglected when it isn’t done in the proper way.

Read more:  How to Punish a Sub Effectively (Click here)

D- Dominance (Dom)

In the BDSM world, “Dominant” is a word that’s thrown around a lot.  Being a Dom can seem very appealing.  Most are men who want to be more dominant in bed, but also in their relationships, and even in life in general.  But unfortunately, there are a lot of fake doms out there who are not worthy of submission.  Therefore, make sure you know what it truly means to be a real Dom.

Read more:  The Ultimate Guide to Being a Dominant (Click here)

S- Submission (Sub)

Serving a Dominant is a very fulfilling lifestyle.  However, many submissive beginners are lost.  They don’t know what the role entails.  Many times they are just looking for someone to fix them, to make them feel more complete.  In all honesty though, being a sub is a lot of work, mentally, emotionally, and sexually.  Make sure you know what it truly means to be a good sub.

Read more:  The Ultimate Guide to Being a Submissive (Click here)

S- Sadism

Sadism involves getting pleasure form inflicting pain, suffering, or humiliation on someone else.  When practicing sadism, always keep and respect the three principles of SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual).  This is what separates BDSM from criminal abuse or neurotic, psychopathic behavior.  Have fun, but make sure to always play responsibly.

Read more:  The Ultimate Guide to a Safe BDSM Lifestyle (Click here)

M- Masochism

Even if you enjoy receiving pain or being humiliated, it has to be done with a sound mind.  One of the best ways to make sure you’re not just engaging in self-destructive behavior is to set limits. Even if you don’t have a BDSM partner yet, it’s good to have your boundaries clear in mind so you’ll be prepared when you’re ready to start playing.

Read more: Limits: Learn What’s Hard and Soft (Click here)


Now that we’ve gone over everything the BDSM acronym stands for, you may now be wondering, How do I get started in the lifestyle?

Check out: How to Go from Vanilla to BDSM and kink (Click here)

If you’re totally ready to start playing now, but you don’t have a partner yet, no problem!

Check out: Exactly What to Do When You Don’t Have a Partner (Click here)

Lastly, if you’re a beginner and want to really become a satisfied full-time Dom or sub, make sure you subscribe to my FREE newsletter to get access to exclusive content I don’t share here on the blog.  Click here to sign up for the free newsletter

Being a BDSM beginner is an exciting time on your kink journey.  Remember, you shouldn’t compare where you are and where someone else is in practicing the lifestyle.  Be proud of yourself for being a beginner and continue to use this guide and educate yourself as much as you can.  In time, you’ll be an experienced Dom or sub, and will be able to help other beginners on their journey as well. 🖤

If you could tell a BDSM beginner one thing about being in the kink community what would it be?  Let me know in the comments below.

Keep reading:  Newbie myths you need to stop believing >>

Share this article now:

  • Facebook
  • Twitter

Tagged With: BDSM, Beginner, Dominant, Guide, Submissive

Reader Interactions

Comments
  1. Angel says

    May 9, 2020 at 8:55 pm

    I want to learn more plz send me all the information you can. Thank you

    Reply
    • Dom Sub Living says

      May 10, 2020 at 4:50 pm

      That’s great, Angel! Be sure to sign up for my newsletter here.

      Reply
      • Stampede says

        October 19, 2020 at 6:06 am

        I’m interested in learn more and growing with my spouse. Please send any beginner info you may have so I can learn more.

        Thanks!!!

    • Hailey says

      July 11, 2020 at 1:32 am

      I want to get my boyfriend into this really bad but I don’t know how to ask him.

      Reply
      • Dom Sub Living says

        July 11, 2020 at 7:35 pm

        Hi Hailey! Be sure to check out this article with him. ????

  2. William says

    June 7, 2020 at 10:01 pm

    I would tell people, it is likely not what you think it is, at least certain parts of it.

    My observation, Dom/Sub is a lot like how we treat our pets. We don’t abuse our pets, we take care of them, meet their needs. I am one that treats his dogs and likes them better than most people.

    Reply
  3. Aiden says

    June 11, 2020 at 11:45 am

    So I’m fairly new to the lifestyle and my sub today told me that she really likes my after care and that she has never had it before any kind of after care she was in a Master/slave dynamic and I’m curious is it normal to not have after care in that kind of dynamic or not she was a slave to this other Dom for 7 years

    Reply
    • Dom Sub Living says

      June 11, 2020 at 7:21 pm

      Hi Aiden! Every relationship is different, but you can learn more about aftercare here.

      And in Lesson 1 & 2 of Dom Sub Training, we cover in detail the Master/slave dynamic.

      Take care!

      Reply
  4. Bryson says

    June 17, 2020 at 8:40 pm

    I started as a dom yesterday and while I have found a sub who is willing to teach me I still would like more info Bc frankly I have no idea what I’m doing. It is something I’ve always wanted to do but was always nervous so any advice or articles would be greatly appreciated

    Reply
    • Dom Sub Living says

      June 18, 2020 at 6:33 pm

      That’s awesome, Bryson! Be sure to sign up for the Dom Sub Living newsletter here for more tips and advice. ????

      Reply
  5. Tj says

    July 19, 2020 at 1:37 am

    Hello! I have always kinda wanted to do this with my wife. But til recently we had a fallin through but some how bringing this to light has helped alot i have been her dom now for 3 days an i havnt seen her this happy in a long time. She acts more as her little side. An she knows i am serious about the rules we have set an the punishments. If she does good she will be rewarded but bad has bad consequences. But i always let her know i love her when she has to be punished. An we came up with a safe word to help with boundries. Showing my DOM side has helped so much. Who knew it would actually help the situation i was in. Thanks :p

    Reply
    • Fawn says

      August 5, 2020 at 7:09 am

      Tj,

      I understand your wife’s perspective so well! When you “finally” begin living, not judged, accepted and loved in the role you are truly meant to be in, everything falls into place. You suddenly feel comfortable in your own skin, and you realize this is where you belong, this is what you were meant to do! I would imagine if your wife is like me, she is spilling over with joy. Expect her to fall in love with you all over again, better than it even was in the beginning.

      I have made it a practice recently, to read/research/study or at least 15 to 20 minutes a day. I learn something new EVERY SINGLE DAY! The best lesson I have learned is that there is no cookie cutter experience in the D/s lifestyle. Every person is different, and therefore every couple’s dynamic is different. The two of you will find you morph and change and grow together every single day!

      Be safe but have fun!

      Congrats!

      Reply
  6. Danielle says

    August 7, 2020 at 6:34 pm

    I have a lot of questions to ask after reading all of these.

    Reply
  7. Chloe says

    August 26, 2020 at 3:13 am

    Heey everyone,

    I’m completely new to this and have only recently started looking into it properly, although I’ve fantasized and thought about it for a very long time.
    I’ve read a lot about the sexual side of a D/s relationship but I’d love to learn more about the day to day relationship.

    Reply
    • Dom Sub Living says

      August 27, 2020 at 7:57 pm

      Hi Chloe! You can check this out to learn more about the day to day relationship aspects.

      Reply
  8. V R says

    October 6, 2020 at 7:48 pm

    I am curious. I am married but my husband will not be happy about me checking out BDSM lifestyle. I bought some toys & he called me a pervert. I am going to read everything. I am a plus size woman. I want to text with an experienced dom.

    Reply
  9. Lynn says

    November 12, 2020 at 12:41 am

    Hi lm Lynn l did the quiz and realized l have a kinky side to me l want to learn all l can about bdsm l know that this is the path l need to follow.

    Reply
  10. BDSM new says

    February 11, 2021 at 10:14 am

    I’m new too and I even bought some bdsm sets. nice article.

    Reply
  11. Aurora says

    May 17, 2021 at 6:51 pm

    Got a question, my dom fears his power. Like I love submitting to him, but he admitted to me recently that when he uses our whip he feels in control and more powerful and it terrifies him and he subconsciously thinks there is something wrong with him. Sos

    Reply
  12. Heather says

    May 19, 2021 at 8:13 pm

    Hi I am a sub/ slave I have a Master. He lives in a different state I have been doing this for a little bit but I have to spank myself I am just not shur what position will work.

    Reply
  13. Heather says

    May 19, 2021 at 8:19 pm

    Hi I am a sub/ slave I have a Master. He lives in a different state I have been doing this for a little bit but I have to spank myself I am just not shur what position will work. Buy I just got back in the life style About 3 months ago I like it but I feel like I am doing a bad job at it

    Reply
  14. Miranda Jo says

    May 25, 2021 at 3:15 am

    Great article! Definitely useful for those starting to get into BDSM and discovering their own kinks 🙂

    Reply
  15. Michael says

    July 8, 2021 at 9:50 pm

    I am in a 24 7 lifestyle with mistress Cathy i am slave mike

    Reply
  16. Gladys says

    August 12, 2021 at 4:37 pm

    I am new to all this. I would love all info on fem dom that I can get from you if possible

    Reply
  17. Subside says

    January 3, 2022 at 4:50 pm

    I’m so happy to have found your blog. My husband and I even though we have been together for almost three decades have decided to do a more D/s lifestyle and at least try it out. Thinking about it gets me excited. This definitely gives us more of an idea on starting and being on the same page. Thank you for putting yourself out there.

    Reply
  18. Sarah says

    June 20, 2022 at 4:10 am

    I’m single and I have been very curious about this universe. Where can I find dom looking for sub?

    Reply
  19. Jaynie Domme says

    July 29, 2022 at 4:58 pm

    I’m new to Domme. Where can i find a female sub?

    Reply
  20. Roxie says

    January 16, 2023 at 12:33 pm

    I’m new as a Sub. Being somewhat who calculates and controls every emotion to avoid others clairvoyants from reading me, releasing all control is foreign. I am enjoying my role immensely. I want to know as much as I can to fulfill my role so well that I am the best sub he has ever had.
    With that said I struggle with my body image with large breasts and a tummy I die to hide. I need to look sexy and feel sexy and can’t find gear or lingerie that fits me well enough to accomplish that. I feel my insecurities will be what makes me fail. I’m here for help an understanding.

    Reply
    • Sarah says

      February 19, 2023 at 5:16 am

      I am also conscious of my body. I try to avoid the really strapppy revealing lingerie. More baby dolls and body style. Maybe use a crisp white sheet like you see in images of woman holding around them whilst drinking coffee staring out of a window. Its basic but really quite sexy esp when you let it drop down at the back. Not wrapped around like a bath towel. Maybe long/midlength drape lace/sheer beach dress. I think you can get some really nice tummy control/high waist knickers that are more lacy nowadays. They might not seem very kinky but i think its more important to feel confident and sexy than something you see in typical BDSM images. Use blind folds and accessories to keep the focus on those and relax about your body. Have the lights off or just really low level lighting. Im just a beginner but these are the things i do.

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Footer

About Me

 I’m Alesandra from Dom Sub Living.  Through online trainings and mentoring, I help new and experienced Doms and subs live the BDSM lifestyle to the fullest.

Subscribe to Blog via Email
  1. HOME
  2. ABOUT
  3. ONLINE TRAININGS
  4. MASTERMIND
  5. BLOG
  6. FREE RESOURCES
  7. CONTACT
  8. STUDENT LOGIN
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

Copyright © DOM SUB LIVING, LLC

Privacy Policy | Terms | Contact