Many people who are curious about kink want to know the quickest way to get started. When you’re just a BDSM beginner, it can be really frustrating to try and figure out what a Dominant or submissive is all about. If you don’t get started the right way, you’re going to waste a lot of time and effort as you try to create a Dom/sub lifestyle. But dominance and submission is just one aspect of BDSM. What’s the best way to quickly start putting it all into practice? This guide covers everything you need to know. Enjoy!
*If you want to help your partner be more dominant, submissive, or kinky, be sure to check out my new workshop.*
BDSM is an acronym for bondage and discipline (B&D), dominance and submission (D&S), and sadism and masochism (S&M)
B- Bondage
Bondage is one of the fundamental aspects of a Dominant/submissive relationship. To some, it may seem like just a kinky “fetish”, but real sexual gratification comes from bondage. The pleasure is derived from rendering the restrained person vulnerable to a variety of acts including sexual ones.
Read more: 8 Ways to Enjoy Bondage (Click here)
D- Discipline
A lot of Dominant/submissive relationships have discipline and punishments. After all, no sub is perfect. Correction can be needed from time to time when they break the rules. Doms need to know how to punish effectively though, because subs can feel neglected when it isn’t done in the proper way.
Read more: How to Punish a Sub Effectively (Click here)
D- Dominance (Dom)
In the BDSM world, “Dominant” is a word that’s thrown around a lot. Being a Dom can seem very appealing. Most are men who want to be more dominant in bed, but also in their relationships, and even in life in general. But unfortunately, there are a lot of fake doms out there who are not worthy of submission. Therefore, make sure you know what it truly means to be a real Dom.
Read more: The Ultimate Guide to Being a Dominant (Click here)
S- Submission (Sub)
Serving a Dominant is a very fulfilling lifestyle. However, many submissive beginners are lost. They don’t know what the role entails. Many times they are just looking for someone to fix them, to make them feel more complete. In all honesty though, being a sub is a lot of work, mentally, emotionally, and sexually. Make sure you know what it truly means to be a good sub.
Read more: The Ultimate Guide to Being a Submissive (Click here)
S- Sadism
Sadism involves getting pleasure form inflicting pain, suffering, or humiliation on someone else. When practicing sadism, always keep and respect the three principles of SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual). This is what separates BDSM from criminal abuse or neurotic, psychopathic behavior. Have fun, but make sure to always play responsibly.
Read more: The Ultimate Guide to a Safe BDSM Lifestyle (Click here)
M- Masochism
Even if you enjoy receiving pain or being humiliated, it has to be done with a sound mind. One of the best ways to make sure you’re not just engaging in self-destructive behavior is to set limits. Even if you don’t have a BDSM partner yet, it’s good to have your boundaries clear in mind so you’ll be prepared when you’re ready to start playing.
Read more: Limits: Learn What’s Hard and Soft (Click here)
Now that we’ve gone over everything the BDSM acronym stands for, you may now be wondering, How do I get started in the lifestyle?
Check out: How to Go from Vanilla to BDSM and kink (Click here)
If you’re totally ready to start playing now, but you don’t have a partner yet, no problem!
Check out: Exactly What to Do When You Don’t Have a Partner (Click here)
Lastly, if you’re a beginner and want to really become a satisfied full-time Dom or sub, make sure you subscribe to my FREE newsletter to get access to exclusive content I don’t share here on the blog. Click here to sign up for the free newsletter
Being a BDSM beginner is an exciting time on your kink journey. Remember, you shouldn’t compare where you are and where someone else is in practicing the lifestyle. Be proud of yourself for being a beginner and continue to use this guide and educate yourself as much as you can. In time, you’ll be an experienced Dom or sub, and will be able to help other beginners on their journey as well. 🖤
I want to learn more plz send me all the information you can. Thank you
That’s great, Angel! Be sure to sign up for my newsletter here.
I would tell people, it is likely not what you think it is, at least certain parts of it.
My observation, Dom/Sub is a lot like how we treat our pets. We don’t abuse our pets, we take care of them, meet their needs. I am one that treats his dogs and likes them better than most people.
So I’m fairly new to the lifestyle and my sub today told me that she really likes my after care and that she has never had it before any kind of after care she was in a Master/slave dynamic and I’m curious is it normal to not have after care in that kind of dynamic or not she was a slave to this other Dom for 7 years
Hi Aiden! Every relationship is different, but you can learn more about aftercare here.
And in Lesson 1 & 2 of Dom Sub Training, we cover in detail the Master/slave dynamic.
Take care!
I started as a dom yesterday and while I have found a sub who is willing to teach me I still would like more info Bc frankly I have no idea what I’m doing. It is something I’ve always wanted to do but was always nervous so any advice or articles would be greatly appreciated
That’s awesome, Bryson! Be sure to sign up for the Dom Sub Living newsletter here for more tips and advice. ????
I want to get my boyfriend into this really bad but I don’t know how to ask him.
Hi Hailey! Be sure to check out this article with him. ????
Hello! I have always kinda wanted to do this with my wife. But til recently we had a fallin through but some how bringing this to light has helped alot i have been her dom now for 3 days an i havnt seen her this happy in a long time. She acts more as her little side. An she knows i am serious about the rules we have set an the punishments. If she does good she will be rewarded but bad has bad consequences. But i always let her know i love her when she has to be punished. An we came up with a safe word to help with boundries. Showing my DOM side has helped so much. Who knew it would actually help the situation i was in. Thanks :p
Tj,
I understand your wife’s perspective so well! When you “finally” begin living, not judged, accepted and loved in the role you are truly meant to be in, everything falls into place. You suddenly feel comfortable in your own skin, and you realize this is where you belong, this is what you were meant to do! I would imagine if your wife is like me, she is spilling over with joy. Expect her to fall in love with you all over again, better than it even was in the beginning.
I have made it a practice recently, to read/research/study or at least 15 to 20 minutes a day. I learn something new EVERY SINGLE DAY! The best lesson I have learned is that there is no cookie cutter experience in the D/s lifestyle. Every person is different, and therefore every couple’s dynamic is different. The two of you will find you morph and change and grow together every single day!
Be safe but have fun!
Congrats!
I have a lot of questions to ask after reading all of these.
Heey everyone,
I’m completely new to this and have only recently started looking into it properly, although I’ve fantasized and thought about it for a very long time.
I’ve read a lot about the sexual side of a D/s relationship but I’d love to learn more about the day to day relationship.
Hi Chloe! You can check this out to learn more about the day to day relationship aspects.
I am curious. I am married but my husband will not be happy about me checking out BDSM lifestyle. I bought some toys & he called me a pervert. I am going to read everything. I am a plus size woman. I want to text with an experienced dom.
I’m interested in learn more and growing with my spouse. Please send any beginner info you may have so I can learn more.
Thanks!!!
Hi lm Lynn l did the quiz and realized l have a kinky side to me l want to learn all l can about bdsm l know that this is the path l need to follow.
I’m new too and I even bought some bdsm sets. nice article.
Got a question, my dom fears his power. Like I love submitting to him, but he admitted to me recently that when he uses our whip he feels in control and more powerful and it terrifies him and he subconsciously thinks there is something wrong with him. Sos
Hi I am a sub/ slave I have a Master. He lives in a different state I have been doing this for a little bit but I have to spank myself I am just not shur what position will work.
Hi I am a sub/ slave I have a Master. He lives in a different state I have been doing this for a little bit but I have to spank myself I am just not shur what position will work. Buy I just got back in the life style About 3 months ago I like it but I feel like I am doing a bad job at it
Great article! Definitely useful for those starting to get into BDSM and discovering their own kinks 🙂
I am in a 24 7 lifestyle with mistress Cathy i am slave mike
I am new to all this. I would love all info on fem dom that I can get from you if possible
I’m so happy to have found your blog. My husband and I even though we have been together for almost three decades have decided to do a more D/s lifestyle and at least try it out. Thinking about it gets me excited. This definitely gives us more of an idea on starting and being on the same page. Thank you for putting yourself out there.
I’m single and I have been very curious about this universe. Where can I find dom looking for sub?
I’m new to Domme. Where can i find a female sub?