Submissive Punishments: How to Punish Your Sub Effectively
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Most Dominant/submissive relationship usually have varying types of submissive punishments. After all, the “D” in BDSM stands for discipline, and no sub is perfect. Correction (even over text) is needed from time to time when they break the rules. However, many Doms struggle with ideas for knowing how to punish. Also, a sub can feel neglected when it isn’t done in the proper way.
Here are some things to keep in mind for a submissive punishment to be successful, and download our free punishment master list.
Submissive Punishments Need to Have a Reason
The main goal of punishments for your sub is so they will learn from it. The Dom disciplines to discourage unacceptable conduct, and to ensure that the sub fully appreciates their role. A sub should always know why they are being punished.
In fact, it is good etiquette to say beforehand, “You are being punished because…” or to ask, “Why are you being punished?” This keeps the focus on the behavior that needs to change. That way the sub won’t feel like it’s themselves that the Dom doesn’t like.
The success of the sub punishment also will have much to do with how well the rules of a BDSM contract are laid out beforehand. There are few things worse than not knowing what you did, why you’re being punished for it, or how to prevent it from happening again. Doms need to avoid making things up as they go along. Communicating any expectations, even over text message, is crucial.
The Punishment for Your Sub Should Fit the Crime
Failure to comply with any rules should usually result in some sort of submissive punishment. The harshness should be determined by the severity of the misdeed. For example, if a sub waits 15 minutes to respond to a Dom’s text message, an intense caning would probably be too much.
Something to know about me is that for softer submissive punishments, my Dom likes to make me remove my panties for the entire day, or have me wear Ben Wa Balls. These punishments also work for long distance D/s relationships.
On the other hand, if a sub has committed a major offense, corporal submissive punishment will probably be required. Quite a few times I’ve gained my Dom’s disapproval so much to make him spank me so long and hard that I’ve bawled into my pillow.
If you enjoy DD/lg, some examples that call for for sub punishments for littles include not cleaning their room, spending too much time on their phone, etc.
Don’t be Too Soft With Submissive Punishments
There is nothing worse than expecting a hard submissive punishment and getting off with “a slap on the wrist”, or worse: no punishment at all. Some subs perform best when they perform certain BDSM rituals or are disciplined at least daily, others every other day, or even once a week.
Look for patterns. If a sub commits one of the common mistakes when topping from the bottom for example, then a punishment for your sub is probably in order. Again, we are all imperfect human beings and there is always some correction in behavior that can be found.
Many Doms who are new to BDSM may hold back, fearing that they are going too far, especially if a sub starts crying. But that is where understanding The 6 Things You Need to Know About Safe Words comes in. If it gets too painful, physically, emotionally, or mentally, a sub has the right to safeword.
One way to gauge how painful a sub punishment is can be to make the sub count each time they are hit. My Dom usually will spank me five times, making me count after each one. That way he can tell in my voice if he is going too hard or soft. Another idea is to have the sub recite a phrase after each hit, like, “I am Daddy’s little girl.”
Timing is Crucial With Submissive Punishments (Even Over Text)
Usually a sub knows when they mess up, and they dread the after-effects of displeasing their Dom. If the Dom completely forgets to punish or even puts it off it is less effective.
Sometimes a little bit of time can grow the anticipation and force the sub to meditate on what they did, but in general, sub punishments should happen by the end of the day. If it’s a long distance D/s relationship, and you want to know how to punish a sub over text, read The 7 Rules for a Long-Distance Dom/sub Relationship and keep in mind the timing when administering discipline.
Anything later than a day often misses the goal of teaching the sub so they learn to never do it again. Subs need to also see that their Doms care enough about the relationship to take the time to discipline them. If a Dom ignores bad behavior or puts off (or neglects) submissive punishments, the sub can feel insignificant or unimportant.
Whether it’s a spanking or orgasm denial, it should happen in a timely manner. Even a stern lecture over text message can make a huge impact. A sub needs to know they are important enough for the Dom to want to correct bad behavior.
BDSM Submissive Punishment Ideas
Important reminder: the subject of discipline should always be discussed beforehand to keep things consensual and safe, which is why reading The Ultimate Guide to a Safe BDSM Lifestyle is important. A written BDSM contract can list the types of punishments that are acceptable, and the severity that is agreed on.
Here are some ideas for submissive punishments to get you started:
- Spanking- My favorite I love to hate. Usually done on the bed without clothes on. Using the Dom’s bare hand has the advantage of keeping the physical connection between both parties. It also prevents them from doing serious damage because they will have the pain in their hand as a gauge.
- Paddling- Administered like a spanking but uses an object like an actual paddle, ruler, hair brush, etc.
- Whipping- Belts can do serious damage so this is better when done lightly.
- Biting- Usually done during a sexual encounter when a sub displeases the Dom.
- Orgasm denial or edging- Either for a minute or a day, to remind a sub that their Dom has the power over their sexual fulfillment.
- Brazilian wax- Making a sub get this done will only work if they don’t currently enjoy doing this.
- Get your free master list with 30+ more ways
Keep these sub punishment suggestions and ideas in mind and your D/s relationship will continue to thrive and bring greater fulfillment.
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Frequently Asked Questions About Submissive Punishments
What Should I Do if I’m Uncomfortable With a Particular Punishment?
It’s important to establish clear boundaries and limits with your partner before engaging in BDSM play. If you’re uncomfortable with a particular sub punishment, it’s important to communicate this to your partner and to negotiate a punishment that you both find acceptable.
How Can I Communicate My Limits and Boundaries to My Partner?
Clear and open communication is key to a healthy BDSM relationship. It’s important to establish a safeword or other signal that you can use to communicate if your submissive punishments become too intense, and to regularly check in with your partner to ensure that both parties are comfortable and happy. You may also want to discuss your limits and boundaries before engaging in play to ensure that your partner is aware of your needs and preferences.
What if I Enjoy the Punishment?
If you enjoy the sub punishment, it’s important to communicate this to your partner and to continue to explore and negotiate what works best for both of you. It’s important to regularly check in with your partner to ensure that both parties are enjoying the experience.
