BDSM Rituals & Why You Need Them
BDSM rituals are an important part of any healthy Dom/sub relationship. They help the Dominant and submissive remember their roles and can be a way to stay centered and focused. But creating powerful and easy Dom/sub rituals (that don’t fizzle out) can be challenging. Read on to discover proven examples of D/s rules and protocols, and pick up some new ideas to transform your connection.
What are BDSM Rituals?
Sometimes people will use the words rituals, rules, and protocols interchangeably, but they are slightly different. A BDSM ritual, or protocol, is a hard and fast rule usually listed in a D/s contract. A ritual is more of a way of carrying out something. It almost always involves an action where the Dom prescribes a series of behaviors for their pleasure and benefit.
Why Have BDSM Protocols & Rituals?
BDSM protocols and rituals are a way to discipline a sub. They teach them obedience and submission and keep them in the right frame of mind. This is true for the Dom as well. Sometimes if a sub has been allowed to act too bratty or is topping from the bottom, a ritual can snap both parties back into their role.
I enjoy my submissive rituals and view them as almost solemn and spiritual. When I perform a ritual, it feels somewhat ceremonial even. I take pleasure in knowing I’m doing something my Daddy wants that makes him happy.
Examples of Rituals BDSM Couples Can Use
BDSM rituals are automatic, and a good sub shouldn’t have to be asked to do it every time. If a sub does forget (they’re not perfect), they should be disciplined to the proper degree. A good Dom doesn’t make up rituals just to have one. There should be a reason for them, and should be for their pleasure. To give you some ideas, here are a few examples of the rules and protocols my Daddy has for me:
1. Kneeling
My Daddy usually goes to bed before me since he wakes up early, so once I’m all ready for the night, I sit in the bed next to him and kneel. If he doesn’t wake up by then, I will lightly rub him and say, “I’m ready for bed now, Daddy.” If he hasn’t gone to bed yet, I’ll kneel on the floor instead and wait for permission to get in bed. He also has me kneel before a scene as well.
2. Arrival Greeting
This is another popular ritual and one I can safely perform in front of others. When he comes home, wherever I am in the house and no matter what I’m doing, I go and greet him with a kiss and tell him, “Hi Daddy”.
3. A Morning Text
My Daddy decided on the joint ritual of every morning texting each other. He usually texts me first to tell me good morning and that he loves me. I reply with how I’m feeling, a detailed plan for my day, and that I love him. I love waking up and seeing a text from him, and this also allows him to make sure I’m getting up when I’m supposed to.
4. Collars
There are many ways to incorporate collars with rituals. Currently, we have two. The first one is I have to wear my Day Collar whenever I leave the house or around company. If he’s home, he will put it on for me. Second, when I kneel before a scene, he puts my Play Collar on me. Check out my recommendations for submissive collars if you’re looking for a new one.
5. Shaving
Sometimes, shaving becomes a chore that’s done begrudgingly even though the other partner prefers it. Making it a D/s ritual can make it more enjoyable. I always make sure I’m freshly shaven for my Daddy, and I also get a Brazilian wax about every 3 weeks. (As a masochist, I love getting it done.)
6. Punishments
You probably don’t think of punishments when discussing rituals, but they can go together quite nicely. When the sub misbehaves, the Dom can tell them to get whatever implement they choose (belt, flogger, crop, etc.). The sub has to go get it, kneel, and present it in their hands, with their palms facing up. This can make the discipline more degrading and, as a result, more effective.
Can Doms Have BDSM Rituals, Too?
People often ask if Doms can have BDSM rituals just like subs, but there’s no clear answer. In short, yes and no. Doms will do certain actions as a routine, but they are never expected to do it, as they are usually allowed to do whatever they want. An example is how my Daddy opens doors for me. Before I get in the car or enter a building, he will almost always open the door for me, making me love and respect him as my Dom every time he does it.
Other ideas are combing or braiding the sub’s hair at night, ordering for them at restaurants, and staying outside their sub when they’re walking on the street.
When a BDSM Ritual isn’t Working
It may be that after performing certain BDSM rituals, they will have to be modified or eliminated. Here’s an example that happened to us one time:
Every morning when Daddy was at work, I had to let him decide on my panties for the day. I’d pick out three, lay them in a row, take a picture, and text it to him. This was fun at first, and I did it for almost a month. It ended up causing me a lot of stress, though. There were many mornings I would have to rush because it was taking up too much time. I told my Dom, knowing full well he could say, “You’re doing it anyway.” But instead, he said he would think about it and let me know the next day. Thankfully he told me I could stop. He still makes choices on my panties from time to time and will often tell me to wear none when I’m in a dress or skirt.
Occasionally BDSM protocols and rituals may also irritate and annoy a sub. For instance, having to ask permission to get into bed every night. Does this mean the ritual isn’t working, or the problem is with the sub?
In some cases, it’s not uncommon for a sub to be irritated by a certain protocol. Leaving it unresolved, though, can hurt the relationship. If a ritual isn’t working in a D/s dynamic, a sub can always talk to their Dom about it respectfully or through a journal. You can download my free journal and prompts to get started.
Download My Free Journal & Prompts!
One of the best ways to make sure a BDSM ritual is remembered and carried out is to write it down. Hopefully, these examples have given you some ideas for creating your own BDSM rules and protocols. Keep finding peace in your rituals. They benefit the Dom and the sub and are essential for transformation, training, and discipline.
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