If you’re a Dominant or submissive in a D/s relationship, you’ve probably wondered about BDSM collar etiquette and meaning. After all, there are so many different submissive collar types for different situations: consideration, sub training, posture, play, everyday wear, pet, protection, ownership, ceremony, and eternity, just to name a few. So what is a day collar for subs? What is the submissive day collar meaning? What about other discreet jewelry and necklaces? Let me help you end the intimidation and make your choice easier.
BDSM Collar Meaning in a D/s Relationship
A BDSM collar, AKA a sub or submissive collar, is a symbol of being a submissive, or being owned. There are no hard and fast rules in this, though. Many people in the kink community wear them just for fun, even if they’re not in a relationship.
But when a Dominant commits themselves to a sub, they will usually show this by collaring them. This is often done in a Collaring Ceremony, and we’ll discuss that later in this article.
The Only 2 BDSM Collar Types You’ll Need
One of the benefits of keeping your BDSM collar choices down to two or three is that the submissive becomes attached to it. This is true both emotionally and physically. It’s a lot like how pet dogs are more anxious when their collar is removed and calmer when it is put back on. Likewise, submissives feel secure and safe in their personal collar.
1. A Play & Training BDSM Collar
When you think of BDSM, you usually think of these types of collars. They are sturdy, usually made of some kind of leather-type product, and can be locked. They will also have a d-ring/o-ring for the Dom to grab or attach a leash to (which is why these collars are great for pet play too).
The purpose of this BDSM collar is to train the submissive, and get them in the proper mindset for a scene. Before a play session, my Dom will have me kneel, and he’ll put it around my neck. Other times, if I am being bratty or disobedient, he will put it on me extra tight so I remember my place as his submissive.
2. A Discreet BDSM Collar for Daily Wear
If you’re not comfortable wearing a play collar outside of the house, but still want to show you’re in a D/s relationship, then a discreet, submissive “Day Collar” is perfect. This BDSM collar is a type of short or tight necklace, usually with an o-ring. In an Owner/pet dynamic, the collar can also have a small bell on it.
These types of necklaces aren’t as obvious to those that are vanilla, but you may get some curious or knowing looks. I wear this type of collar every day, and if I ever forget and leave the house without it then my Dom will punish me. I’m very proud when I wear my collar, and it gives my life great meaning.
The BDSM Collar Ceremony and Beyond
When a Dominant decides to make a lifelong commitment of owning their submissive they will often symbolize this during a Collaring Ceremony. Much like a wedding, the Dom and sub will usually say vows, and witnesses might be present.
The Dom will then collar the sub, and they will be Dominant/submissive (or Master/slave) for the rest of their lives. While there may be traditional, “eternity” collars for this (just like diamond rings are typical for marriage), it’s really a personal choice and should be something you are comfortable with.
There can be other rituals besides the ceremony that are simpler, such as:
- Having the sub kneel before a scene to receive their play collar
- Having the sub bring it to the Dom as part of punishment
- Putting a “day” one on before leaving the house
Do All Doms Collar Their sub During Training?
Remember, it is up to the individual Dom/Master/sub/slave if they’re going to incorporate a collar in their relationship. So with that in mind, not all Doms use collars. It should be discussed during vetting/negotiations if this is important to the sub.
There are really no hard and fast rules when it comes to receiving one. If a submissive wants a BDSM collar and thinks they’re both ready for the commitment, the sub can tell their Dom respectfully that they would love to wear a collar to show they are owned.
In the end, it was Dom’s decision. But if a sub really likes the idea of a collar though, they could also buy their own to represent being a submissive.
Self-Collaring: Can a sub Without a Dom Wear a Collar?
Many submissives still wear collars even if they don’t have a partner. It can be a great way for a single sub to show their commitment and devotion to themselves. Subs wearing a BDSM collar can help them to remember why they chose this lifestyle and can serve as motivation to become the best submissive they can be, with or without a Dom.
Also, if you see someone wearing one, don’t assume their relationship status, and try not to pry. Many single kinksters wear a BDSM collar; some just wear them as a fashion statement. If you’re really curious, you can simply say, “I like your collar.” They may open up and tell you about it.
BDSM Jewelry Options for Doms
It’s not uncommon for a Dominant to want to wear something to represent his role as well, and there are lots of options for Doms, too! Many have rings, necklaces, or bracelets representing their Dominance. Others wear cufflinks or tie clips with engravings. There are even keychains, too.
If you’re in a DDlg or Caregiver/little relationship, the “little” can also make their Daddy or Mommy a bracelet out of beads.
BDSM Collar Etiquette & BDSM Training Protocol
Usually, it is the Dom who purchases the collar for their submissive. In that case, the collar is the property of the Dominant. If the dynamic were ever to end, it should be returned to the Dom.
However, if the Dom doesn’t want it back, or the sub purchased it themselves, it is allowed protocol for the submissive to continue to wear the collar if they choose. (See “Can a sub without a Dom wear a collar?” above.)
As far as rules about when to wear the collar, that is up to each dynamic. My Dom’s protocol is that I can take it off when I’m exercising, sleeping, or showering. To make sure that your rules and expectations are clear, you can include a BDSM collar protocol in your contract.
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“Can’t I just wear a regular necklace or other types of jewelry instead of a day collar for subs?”
While I always want everyone to do what makes them happy and comfortable, collars are best for those in the BDSM lifestyle. Many vanilla people wear necklaces or other types of jewelry all the time, so if you wore something similar there would be no distinction.
There are other benefits to a BDSM collar too. Collars sit close against the sub’s neck, so the Dom sees it every time they look at their sub, reminding them of their D/s relationship. A bracelet or ring will not have the same effect.
Also, a BDSM collar has a different meaning than other types of jewelry. Dogs and other animals wear collars, because they are owned. It is the same for the submissive.
Also, a BDSM collar has a different meaning than other types of jewelry. Dogs and other animals wear collars because they are owned. It is the same for the submissive.I hope I made BDSM collars a little less complicated for you. They are extremely beneficial to those in a D/s relationship and also very sexy to wear. Have fun finding the right type for you, and be proud of the privilege to collar someone or to be collared by someone. 🖤
All of my collars were bought by my Dom at Etsy, Luxurious Bliss, or from CaptiveLove Jewelry (use code DSLiving10 for 10% off your first order on any item at CaptiveLove).
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