The Ultimate Guide to a Safe BDSM Lifestyle
In the BDSM community there is a saying: Safe, Sane, Consensual, or SSC. Whether you are new to the Dom/sub lifestyle or have been playing for a long time, this is one of the most common foundations for any D/s relationship. But what does Safe, Sane, Consensual mean in real life? Here’s how to practically implement SSC, so you can enjoy the lifestyle to the full.
In adding to the SSC framework, there’s also RACK, PRICK, and many others you can learn about here.
Safe
Before engaging in BDSM, there should alway be a discussion of limits, both hard and soft. Respect these at all times. All effort should be made to make a scene as safe as possible, especially for the Dominant setting it up. Examples include:
- Having scissors nearby to quickly cut ropes that are too tight, cable ties, etc.
- Agreeing beforehand a safe gesture instead of a word if choking is acceptable. And if the gesture involves the arms/hands, having these free at all times during choking.
- Taking steps to avoid severe burns and fires during wax play.
Of course there are MANY more safety issues but the point is they need to be communicated, identified, and prevented. Nobody wants an embarrassing visit to the emergency room or to have to call the fire department.
Sane
This term has become controversial, but both the Dom and the sub should be adults in a sound state of mind. Even though BDSM is therapeutic for some, if there are severe mental health issues present make sure to address them with a professional.
(Learn about my own mental health journey here)
Also under the principle of “Sane”: Don’t do anything stupid! For example, if you want to “play rape”, don’t kidnap your partner in public and attack them. You will most likely end up in jail.
“Sane” also implies that all parties are honest about their intentions, expectations, abilities, training, and experience levels.
You can learn more about fake and abusive Doms or subs here.
Consensual
This is probably the core of BDSM and what many vanilla people cannot wrap their heads around. All parties involved need to really WANT this. Hopefully there is a contract or at the very least safewords.
Download your FREE contract here
Even with consensual non-consent there should be a prior discussion and an extreme amount of trust. No one should ever reluctantly practice BDSM just to make someone else happy. From simple kink to Total Power Exchange, from playful spankings to hardcore punishments, EVERYTHING has to be consensual.
You can learn more about consensual non-consent here.
Always remember and respect the three principles of SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual). They are what separates BDSM from criminal abuse or neurotic self-destructive behavior. Have fun, but make sure to always play responsibly.
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Keep reading: How to enjoy bondage safely »
