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The Ultimate Guide to a Safe BDSM Lifestyle

In the BDSM community there is a saying: Safe, Sane, Consensual, or SSC. Whether you are new to the Dom/sub lifestyle or have been playing for a long time, this is the foundation for any D/s relationship. You should always follow these three principles and so should your partner.  But what does Safe, Sane, Consensual mean in real life? Here’s how to practically implement SSC, so you can enjoy the lifestyle to the full.

safe sane consensual dom sub lifestyle consent BDSM SSC

Safe

Before engaging in BDSM, there should alway  be a discussion of limits, both hard and soft.  Respect these at all times.  All effort should be made to make a scene as safe as possible, especially for the Dominant setting it up.  Examples include:

  • Having scissors nearby to quickly cut ropes that are too tight, cable ties, etc.
  • Agreeing beforehand a safe gesture instead of a word if choking is acceptable.  And if the gesture involves the arms/hands, having these free at all times during choking.
  • Taking steps to avoid severe burns and fires during wax play.

Of course there are MANY more safety issues but the point is they need to be communicated, identified, and prevented.  Nobody wants an embarrassing visit to the emergency room or to have to call the fire department.

Sane

Both the Dom and the sub should be adults in a sound state of mind.  Even though BDSM is a form of therapy for some, if there are severe mental health issues present make sure to address them with a professional.

Also under the principle of “Sane”: Don’t do anything stupid! For example, if you want to play rape, don’t kidnap your partner in public and attack them. You will most likely end up in jail.

“Sane” also implies that all parties are honest about their intentions, expectations, abilities, training, and experience levels.

You can learn more about fake and abusive Doms or subs here.

Consensual

This is probably the core of BDSM and what many vanillas  cannot wrap their heads around.  All parties involved need to really WANT this. Hopefully there is a contract or at the very least safewords.

Download your FREE contract here.

Even with consensual non-consent there should be a prior discussion and an extreme amount of trust.  No one should ever reluctantly practice BDSM just to make someone else happy.  From simple kink to Total Power Exchange, from playful spankings to hardcore punishments, EVERYTHING has to be consensual.

You can learn more about consensual non-consent here.

Always keep and respect the three principles of SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual) .  They are what separates BDSM from criminal abuse or neurotic self-destructive behavior.  Have fun, but make sure to always play responsibly. 🖤

What does safe, sane, consensual mean to you?  Chat with me in the comments.

Keep reading:  How to enjoy bondage safely »

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Tagged With: Beginner, Bondage, Consensual Non-Consent, Contract, Fake Dom, Safewords

Reader Interactions

Comments
  1. Tyler says

    November 21, 2019 at 9:03 pm

    Hello Dom sub Living, i am really new to the whole aspect of BDSM but my girlfirend is pretty experienced in the field and she has mentioned she is a sub and i am interested in getting into BDSM but dont really know where to start.

    Reply
    • Dom Sub Living says

      November 22, 2019 at 2:18 pm

      Sure, Tyler! Make sure you check out this article to help you get started.

      Reply
  2. Denyse says

    January 29, 2020 at 8:10 pm

    I’m new to the lifestyle, and I can not thank you enough for sharing so much with me. I feel a lot more in touch with myself as a sub, because of you and your shared knowledge. Please don’t ever stop sharing! You are just awesome!!!!!

    Reply
    • Dom Sub Living says

      January 29, 2020 at 8:29 pm

      Thank you so much, Denyse! You don’t know how much that means to me. I really couldn’t do any of this if it wasn’t for my readers and subscribers. You guys are amazing and are what makes this community so great! ????

      Reply
    • Ken says

      July 7, 2020 at 9:11 am

      I am new to to this and mostly watching from the sidelines now. I had a relationship that started, then major changes in her life have put a hold on everything. But I love all the info you send so keep up the good work!

      Reply
      • Dom Sub Living says

        July 8, 2020 at 3:45 pm

        Thank you, Ken! ????

  3. meri says

    March 13, 2020 at 1:27 pm

    thank you so very much for all the information…being brand new I want to know as much as I can and you present everything in such a careful and concise manner!

    Reply
    • Dom Sub Living says

      March 13, 2020 at 3:17 pm

      You’re very welcome, Meri! I’m so glad you enjoy the site. ????

      Reply
  4. link says

    June 2, 2020 at 8:36 am

    Keep this going please, great job!

    Reply
    • Dom Sub Living says

      June 2, 2020 at 8:09 pm

      Thanks Link! Glad you like it.

      Reply
  5. Andrea says

    July 23, 2020 at 11:32 pm

    You and your advice are invaluable to me. I am brand new to the BDSM lifestyle and was beginning to feel so overwhelmed until I found domsubliving. You are my ‘go to’ for research and I thank you so much.

    Reply
    • Dom Sub Living says

      July 24, 2020 at 3:49 pm

      Awesome, Andrea! I’m so glad. ❤️

      Reply
  6. Lish says

    November 14, 2020 at 9:22 am

    I’ve done mild bondage and some kinkier stuff but my Partner wants to step it up tomorrow. I’m excited to try but also worried a little bit because I’m afraid he’ll see me differently after. I trust him and he is aware of my fears. But it still makes me nervous. If I’m very “yes sir” at home, I don’t want him to expect me to always be the Sub in day to day life.

    Reply
  7. Jerry says

    December 25, 2021 at 9:52 am

    I’m new to this I’ve had some experiences with cuffs wrist and ankle straps biting consensual unconcent, I’m a vers switch and homoflexible I’m talking to a femboy new also and we are to the point of she is my good girl and I daddy. I’m trying to learn to make this work and in turn learn together ❤

    Reply

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About Me

 I’m Alesandra from Dom Sub Living.  Through online trainings and mentoring, I help new and experienced Doms and subs live the BDSM lifestyle to the fullest.

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