In the BDSM community there is a saying: Safe, Sane, Consensual, or SSC. Whether you are new to the Dom/sub lifestyle or have been playing for a long time, this is the foundation for any D/s relationship. You should always follow these three principles and so should your partner. But what does Safe, Sane, Consensual mean in real life? Here’s how to practically implement SSC, so you can enjoy the lifestyle to the full.
Safe
Before engaging in BDSM, there should alway be a discussion of limits, both hard and soft. Respect these at all times. All effort should be made to make a scene as safe as possible, especially for the Dominant setting it up. Examples include:
- Having scissors nearby to quickly cut ropes that are too tight, cable ties, etc.
- Agreeing beforehand a safe gesture instead of a word if choking is acceptable. And if the gesture involves the arms/hands, having these free at all times during choking.
- Taking steps to avoid severe burns and fires during wax play.
Of course there are MANY more safety issues but the point is they need to be communicated, identified, and prevented. Nobody wants an embarrassing visit to the emergency room or to have to call the fire department.
Sane
Both the Dom and the sub should be adults in a sound state of mind. Even though BDSM is a form of therapy for some, if there are severe mental health issues present make sure to address them with a professional.
Also under the principle of “Sane”: Don’t do anything stupid! For example, if you want to play rape, don’t kidnap your partner in public and attack them. You will most likely end up in jail.
“Sane” also implies that all parties are honest about their intentions, expectations, abilities, training, and experience levels.
You can learn more about fake and abusive Doms or subs here.
Consensual
This is probably the core of BDSM and what many vanillas cannot wrap their heads around. All parties involved need to really WANT this. Hopefully there is a contract or at the very least safewords.
Download your FREE contract here.
Even with consensual non-consent there should be a prior discussion and an extreme amount of trust. No one should ever reluctantly practice BDSM just to make someone else happy. From simple kink to Total Power Exchange, from playful spankings to hardcore punishments, EVERYTHING has to be consensual.
You can learn more about consensual non-consent here.
Always keep and respect the three principles of SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual) . They are what separates BDSM from criminal abuse or neurotic self-destructive behavior. Have fun, but make sure to always play responsibly. 🖤
Hello Dom sub Living, i am really new to the whole aspect of BDSM but my girlfirend is pretty experienced in the field and she has mentioned she is a sub and i am interested in getting into BDSM but dont really know where to start.
Sure, Tyler! Make sure you check out this article to help you get started.
I’m new to the lifestyle, and I can not thank you enough for sharing so much with me. I feel a lot more in touch with myself as a sub, because of you and your shared knowledge. Please don’t ever stop sharing! You are just awesome!!!!!
Thank you so much, Denyse! You don’t know how much that means to me. I really couldn’t do any of this if it wasn’t for my readers and subscribers. You guys are amazing and are what makes this community so great! ????
thank you so very much for all the information…being brand new I want to know as much as I can and you present everything in such a careful and concise manner!
You’re very welcome, Meri! I’m so glad you enjoy the site. ????
Keep this going please, great job!
Thanks Link! Glad you like it.
I am new to to this and mostly watching from the sidelines now. I had a relationship that started, then major changes in her life have put a hold on everything. But I love all the info you send so keep up the good work!
Thank you, Ken! ????
You and your advice are invaluable to me. I am brand new to the BDSM lifestyle and was beginning to feel so overwhelmed until I found domsubliving. You are my ‘go to’ for research and I thank you so much.
Awesome, Andrea! I’m so glad. ❤️
I’ve done mild bondage and some kinkier stuff but my Partner wants to step it up tomorrow. I’m excited to try but also worried a little bit because I’m afraid he’ll see me differently after. I trust him and he is aware of my fears. But it still makes me nervous. If I’m very “yes sir” at home, I don’t want him to expect me to always be the Sub in day to day life.
I’m new to this I’ve had some experiences with cuffs wrist and ankle straps biting consensual unconcent, I’m a vers switch and homoflexible I’m talking to a femboy new also and we are to the point of she is my good girl and I daddy. I’m trying to learn to make this work and in turn learn together ❤