Your Guide to Consensual Non-Consent
One of the most debated but rarely explained topics in the BDSM community is consensual non-consent, or CNC. The real definition of this type of D/s relationship is one of deep trust, not abuse. And even though the sex fantasy of rape play is pretty common, the CNC kink is still a taboo topic. What is consensual non-consent? And do you still need a contract or agreement? Let’s look more closely, including stimulating ideas and examples to get you started with CNC BDSM.
What is Consensual Non-Consent (CNC)?
Before we begin discussing everything you need to know about CNC play, we need to first understand how it differs from rape play. Even though the two are very similar, rape fantasy or play rape, usually just refers to the sexual act, whereas consensual non-consent can encompass all aspects of a D/s relationship.
Some people use the terms interchangeably, and even rape play is a fantasy for many “vanilla” people. Feel free to use whichever term you’re comfortable with, but always make sure everything is safe, sane, and consensual.
5 Things You Need to Know About CNC Kink
Consensual Non-Consent (CNC) sex involves complex dynamics and deep trust in your D/s relationship, but it often remains shrouded in mystery and misunderstanding. To demystify this intense form of play, it’s crucial to grasp the foundational concepts and considerations that underpin CNC interactions.
Whether you’re a seasoned practitioner or new to this form of expression, these insights will help you navigate the intricate world of CNC BDSM safely and with confidence.
1. CNC Meaning in BDSM
The CNC meaning refers to a mutual agreement where the Dom is able to act as if the sub has waived all consent. Complete consent is given beforehand, with the understanding of it being a permanent arrangement under most circumstances.
The bottom line is that this is something the sub has willingly said they wanted. The “non-consensual” part also means that sometimes the Dom may have to make the sub obey if they refuse.
Why would a sub, and especially a slave, say “no” if they already gave their total submission? Simply put, because subs and slaves aren’t robots. They have feelings, needs, wants, and imperfections too. They may disagree with the Dom, and voice it, but they still ultimately want to serve and be used.
If you’re still confused as to the meaning of consensual non-consent, here is what it means to me:
“I like it even when I don’t like it. I want it even when I don’t want it.”
2. Do You Need Safewords or a Contract in CNC BDSM?
Since trust is so important in consensual non-consent I would say that safewords are preferred. Safewords make everything clear. Of course it’s a good practice for a Dom to remind a sub that they have safewords during an intense scene.
We usually think trust has to do with the sub trusting the Dom, but the Dom has to equally be able to trust their sub. “No means no” in a court of law, regardless if it’s a D/s relationship, or even if there’s a BDSM contract or agreement. A Dom needs to know that the sub is completely willing, even if they’re yelling and crying for something to stop.
If you are in a 24/7 relationship, in your contract or agreement you can discuss removing safewords in certain situations, like during punishments.
For example, some couples don’t allow safewords at all in non-consensual play, as they feel it gives the submissive too much control. An example of this type of D/s relationship is a total power exchange relationship, or TPE.
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3. Subdrop and Aftercare Will Be Different
After a play session, a sub might act completely different if consensual non-consent was involved. After a scene I usually like to cuddle, but if we did some forceful, hard playing I can’t stand to be held.
My Dom knows that it’s difficult for me to receive affection after consensual non-consent, so he’ll give me my space and just maybe rest a hand on my shoulder. It’s not uncommon for a sub to get upset and angry, almost as if they were really abused.
This is because the mind and body are so connected. If a sub’s body is abused in a non-pleasurable way, their mind will begin to associate with that emotionally.
During subdrop they will slowly start to feel safe and in control again. It’s extremely important for the Dom to respect this and not get offended during this time, but to continue to provide aftercare.
4. Rape Play is More Than Just a Kink Fantasy
Many BDSM players may use the terms rape play and consensual non-consent interchangeably, but as we discussed at the beginning, they are not the same thing. Rape play is just one small aspect of a CNC kink. Even those in a vanilla relationship may have that fantasy.
For some victims of past abuse though, acting it out can be very therapeutic. To them CNC BDSM can have a bigger meaning. It can be a way to relive the experience, knowing that they now have the power to make it stop.
If you are going to engage in rape play with someone, make sure limits are clearly discussed/included in your contract or agreement. For example, vaginal rape may be acceptable, but anal may not be.
5. Ideas for CNC Play
There are many ways to engage in consensual non-consent, both sexual and non-sexual. If you are in a BDSM relationship, or even if you just play part-time, here are some ideas and examples:
- The Dom can dress up like an actual attacker (if they wear a mask, make sure at least part of the face is visible so the sub knows it’s not a real attacker)
- Use rope to tie up the sub and gag them during sex
- Enforce punishments that the sub will not like
- Engage in pain play that tests the sub’s limits
See 30+ punishment ideas here »
Another example of a CNC kink situation is somnophilia. The definition of somnophilia is a kink where the Dominant performs sex acts on the submissive while they are unconscious or asleep. The sub would have to give their consent to this situation beforehand. This is actually a sex kink that my Dom and I enjoy on occasion.
Consensual non-consent is probably one of my favorite aspects of a BDSM lifestyle, and brings more meaning to my D/s relationship. Sex can be so much more thrilling when you don’t say yes.
Forcing someone to do something, or being forced yourself, can be very alluring. In fact, in one survey, more than 50% of individuals have had rape fantasies. Hopefully now that we’ve explained this hotly debated topic and you have some fun ideas, you can begin to safely experience it too. 🖤
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FAQs About CNC in BDSM
Is CNC play safe?
CNC play can be safe when everyone participating has clear, communicated boundaries and a strong foundation of trust. Having a thorough contract, safewords, and aftercare, is essential for making sure that CNC scenes are done responsibly and safely.
Is the CNC kink normal?
Engaging in CNC kink can be a normal and valid form of sexual expression, as long as it involves consensual and informed agreement. Understanding that CNC fantasies are actually very common can help people feel more comfortable discussing and exploring this kink safely.
What is an example of CNC play?
One example of CNC play is when partners role-play a scene where one person resists or says no, and the other continues as they agreed beforehand. Ideas for this include a rape or kidnapping scene. It’s important that everything they do was agreed upon and that clear boundaries are set.
How do I bring up CNC with my partner?
Bringing up CNC with your partner should start with an open and honest conversation about desires and boundaries. Be sure to bring up the subject while you’re in a nonsexual setting, and be curious about what your partner’s interests and limits are.
Is consensual non-consent legal?
While consensual non-consent involves agreed-upon activities between adults, its legality can vary based on local laws and the interpretation of consent. It is crucial to understand the legal standards in your area to make sure that all CNC play remains within legal boundaries.