When I was a beginner submissive, I was eager to make my new BDSM lifestyle a 24/7 agreement. My Dominant and I had a contract, but I wanted to be a full-time slave, unable to ever be released. We read online about Total Power Exchange relationships and we knew this was our ultimate goal. I can proudly say we are now TPE. It has brought so much more meaning to our roles as Dom and sub. But making the switch wasn’t easy. This guide will help you to not make the same mistakes we did. You’ll also see some examples of how to make it work.
What is the real meaning of Total Power Exchange?
On the outside, a Total Power Exchange relationship can look like abuse. Sadly, a lot of subs can confuse the two. TPE is not abuse. Simply put, it’s an exchange where all authority is passed from the submissive to the Dominant. It’s a consensual relationship where the Dom has absolute control, and can exercise that control however they see fit. If you are unsure whether or not your relationship is TPE or abuse, let your instincts be your guide. The goal should be for both partners to feel more fulfilled and taken care of. And no matter what anyone says, the sub always has the right to get out of an abusive relationship.
Who is a TPE agreement good for?
Even though Total Power Exchange might look abusive to vanillas, it can bring incredible meaning and happiness to a Dom/sub couple. I don’t recommend entering a TPE relationship unless you’ve known the person for a very long time, and you 100%, completely trust them. This goes for both the Dom and the sub. The Dominant should already be showing they respect their sub, and uphold the “safe, sane, consensual” principles of BDSM. And the submissive should be mentally stable, and not using TPE as an excuse to be made weak. After all, the sub can still make some of their own decisions and choices, if the Dom allows them to.
Can online relationships be TPE?
Online relationships most definitely can be Total Power Exchange, but to a degree. Even though the sub gives up all their power, it will be hard for the Dom to exercise complete control over their sub’s life from a distance. In these kinds of relationships, TPE will be more of a mindset, and the Dom will have to be extra diligent in finding ways to incorporate it into their lives.
You can check out my guide for online and long-distance relationships here to give you some ideas.
Examples of Total Power Exchange
Although a Total Power Exchange relationship can be any form of Dom/sub, like DD/lg, Owner/pet, or Boss/secretary, it is most likely a Master/slave agreement. Just like in real life a Master has complete and total control over a slave, so it also is in TPE. Here are some examples of what it can look like in BDSM:
- Controlling the slave’s finances and career
- Choosing the slave’s clothing, diet, and other aspects of day to day life
- Establishing and enforcing non-negotiable rules and protocols
- Using the slave whenever and however sexually
(Feel free to share your favorite examples of TPE in the comments below.)
Do you still need a contract?
Since the meaning of Total Power Exchange is that nothing prohibits the Dom from having all control, a contract might seem contradictory. I don’t think that’s completely the case though. A contract can lay out the fact that the relationship is a TPE agreement, and list the expectations and requirements of the sub still. However since there usually aren’t safewords or hard and soft limits in TPE, these probably won’t be covered in the contract.
You can read my guide on contracts here for more examples of what you can include.
Even though a Total Power Exchange can be the ultimate goal for those who practice BDSM, it should never be rushed into. If you wish to enter this type of arrangement, make sure you fully understand first the true meaning of it, and what is involved. I don’t regret for one second entering a TPE relationship with my Dom, and I hope it can be successful for you too.
TPE is a great thing. And would love to try it.
Awesome, Ali!
Master and I are working my making our relationship a total power exchange. We have been together for 10 years and married for 6 almost 7. I am still struggling at giving up total power but I want to give it up. We are currently having trouble with training because we live an unusual like go begin with as he is a trucker. Any suggestions on training when he has no time to punish on a regular basis? We don’t use safe words because we don’t feel they are nessesary as we feel he knows my limits after 10 years together. Still struggling with proper training and giving up complete control as I have been encouraged to have an opinion most of our relationship any ideas on learning to give this power up?
Hi Cristina! I cover the exact issue in detail of how to train and punish when you’re busy in Lesson 5 of Dom Sub Training. And the course has really helped other submissives like yourself to give up their power. But keep taking it one step at a time, and I can’t wait to hear what progress you make in the future! ????
TPE is something that we’re working towards. We were introduced to a d/s lifestyle last year, and found that it was truly a fit for us. I’m a total sub through and through and my husband (of 20 yrs) is the sweetest man you’ll ever meet. I had my doubts that he could truly be a Dom. But he has fully embraced his role and is a more confident leader in every aspect of our marriage as a result.
The more we exchange, the more I crave to give to him. We’ve talked about a master/slave relationship (also listed as 100% on my BDSM test) and are taking baby steps to get there. Our first step was to learn more — so we just finished your course! 🙂
That’s awesome! I’m so happy for you guys and I’ve enjoyed having you in the course! ❤️
My husband and I have been on and off D/s for 15 years. We are working towards TPE. I am a born leader and in my profession a coach so it’s REALLY hard for me to submit 24/7.
I disagree about limits. I think every sub/slave should be able to voice limits.
I have limits due to allergies or medical conditions.
It would be dangerous if I had no limits.
Hi Andi!
Thank you for sharing. Even in TPE, a good Dom would always respect allergies, medical conditions, etc. A good Dom in a TPE arrangement would already know what the sub’s limits were. Just because a Dom can do whatever they want, doesn’t mean they should do anything and everything. That goes against the principles of safe, sane, and consensual. That’s why it’s EXTREMELY important to trust your Dom if you’re entering a TPE relationship. There should already be a past history there, and thorough knowledge of the submissive. I hope this helps to clarify! 🙂
The thing is, your dom should not WANT to invoke your allergies or medical conditions. I don’t have this stuff in my contract because there’s no chance whatsoever that he is going to purposely expose me to toxic substances– it would fuck up his property.
Hello my partner and I just recently discovered the world of bdsm to embrace it Fully at least, but we are just starting out and we have a DDLG dynamic and she wants total power exchange, was wondering what might be some tips / advice for the both of us to grasp our Dynamic, I’m here daddy dom and and she my babygirl but I still have a tremendous amount to learn. Was looking for some advice to maybe help me understand more the TPE, I’ve always been real sweet and caring at heart , and always take her voice and feeling into consideration. But again still very new to everything , 🙂
I had a few questions regarding this topic cause eventually this would be my ultimate goal as a life term relationship and giving up all power and rights. But to have a healthy M/s relationship which requires you really knowing the person I have two questions on achieving this.
First what’s the least amount of years you think you really know a person to feel comfortable surrendering too. Is it a fix average number like 6 months 5 years or it’s subjective and relative to the specific relationship.
Two what things you think you need to pick up on about the person to determine if this person is some one who is TPE compatible with you ( I’m asking in the context of you as a submissive what you can pick up from the Dom to ensure the transition to M/s will be suitable for both parties needs and still respect the TPE M/s criteria to really live out your role?