Are you a Dominant or submissive, eager to make the BDSM lifestyle a 24/7 agreement? Maybe you already have a contract, but you now want a full-time dynamic. Total Power Exchange relationships, or TPE, are sometimes seen as the ultimate goal. While they can enhance your role as Dom or sub, making the switch isn’t easy. This online guide will show you the TPE meaning, help you to avoid the most common mistakes, and you’ll also see some examples of how to make it work.
TPE meaning in real-life
On the outside, a Total Power Exchange relationship can look like abuse. And sadly, a lot of subs can confuse the two. TPE is not abuse. Simply put, the TPE meaning is an exchange where all authority is passed from the submissive to the Dominant. It’s a consensual relationship where the Dom has absolute control, and can exercise that control however they see fit.
If you are unsure whether or not your relationship is TPE or abuse, let your instincts be your guide. The goal should be for both partners to feel more fulfilled and taken care of. And no matter what anyone says, the sub always has the right to get out of an abusive relationship.
Who is a TPE agreement good for?
Even though Total Power Exchange might look abusive to vanillas, it can bring incredible meaning and happiness to a Dom/sub couple. I don’t recommend entering a TPE relationship unless you’ve known the person for a very long time, and you 100%, completely trust them. This goes for both the Dom and the sub.
The Dominant should already be showing they respect their sub, and uphold the “safe, sane, consensual” principles of BDSM. And the submissive should be mentally stable, and not using TPE as an excuse to be made weak. After all, the sub can still make some of their own decisions and choices, if the Dom allows them to.
Can online BDSM relationships be TPE?
Online relationships most definitely can be Total Power Exchange, but to a degree. Even though the sub gives up all their power, it will be hard for the Dom to exercise complete control over their sub’s life from a distance. In these kinds of relationships, TPE will be more of a mindset, and the Dom will have to be extra diligent in finding ways to incorporate it into their lives.
You can also check out my guide for online and long-distance BDSM relationships here to give you some examples.
Examples of Total Power Exchange in relationships
Although a Total Power Exchange relationship can be any form of Dom/sub, like DD/lg, Owner/pet, or Boss/secretary, it is most likely a Master/slave agreement. Just like in real life, a Master has complete and total control over a slave, so it also is in TPE. Here are some examples of what it can look like in BDSM:
- Controlling the slave’s finances and career
- Choosing the slave’s clothing, diet, and other aspects of day to day life
- Establishing and enforcing non-negotiable rules and protocols
- Using the slave whenever and however sexually
(Feel free to share your favorite examples of TPE in the comments below.)
Do you still need a contract or written agreement for TPE?
Since the TPE meaning is that nothing prohibits the Dom from having all control, a contract might seem contradictory. I don’t think that’s completely the case though. A contract can lay out the fact that the relationship is a TPE agreement, and list the expectations and requirements of the sub still.
However, since there usually are no safewords or hard and soft limits in TPE, these probably won’t be covered in the contract.
You can read my online guide on BDSM contracts here for more examples of what you can include.
Even though a Total Power Exchange can be the ultimate goal for those who practice BDSM, it should never be rushed into. If you wish to enter this type of arrangement, make sure you fully understand first the true meaning of it, and what is involved. I don’t regret for one second entering a TPE relationship with my Dom, and I hope it can be successful for you too.
What challenges have you faced with Total Power Exchange? Let me know in the comments.
TPE is something that we’re working towards. We were introduced to a d/s lifestyle last year, and found that it was truly a fit for us. I’m a total sub through and through and my husband (of 20 yrs) is the sweetest man you’ll ever meet. I had my doubts that he could truly be a Dom. But he has fully embraced his role and is a more confident leader in every aspect of our marriage as a result.
The more we exchange, the more I crave to give to him. We’ve talked about a master/slave relationship (also listed as 100% on my BDSM test) and are taking baby steps to get there. Our first step was to learn more — so we just finished your course! 🙂
That’s awesome! I’m so happy for you guys and I’ve enjoyed having you in the course! ❤️
TPE is a great thing. And would love to try it.
Awesome, Ali!
me and my dom of 4 years now are in a tpe but we could use more tips and trick if possible i can be thick headed and stubborn and scared easily do to past traumas but im trying to heal if anyone has any advice id be glad to hear it
Hi there,
I always wanted to be my Wife slave but at the beginnig it did not work for Her. Now 27 years later (the kids left home) we took another attemp and I am so lucky, it works vor Her. She always was the leading par of our realationship bur now She ist truely my “Herrin” (german for Mistress) and I am her true slave. Now my live got a real sin and i feel every day that I am now beginnig to life. The time before was not a satisfaction, but now erverything stars to make sin. No doubt, She loves me from the bottom Her heart and ist realy working hard on my Education. I am so proud to serve.
sry for my bad English. I am from Germany. I cant correct the text.
Can you briefly explain the difference between Total Power Exchange and Consensual Non-Consent? I presume they are not synonymous, but also that there may be quite a lot of crossover between the two terms.
Hi Rarius. To put it simply, TPE can be enthusiastically consensual, and CNC doesn’t have to be a “Total” relationship dynamic. It can just be part of a scene. You can learn more about CNC here – https://domsubliving.com/5-things-about-consensual-non-consent/
The real thorn in TPE is just real life intruding actually, with jobs, kids, care taker responsibilities, etc.
It doesn’t have to! We have a whole lesson on real-life hacks for being TPE when you have kids, jobs, etc. in our Dom Sub Training course!
I too can attest that TPE does not have to interfere with daily living. In fact, it can make those daily chores, workdays, kids etc. EASIER to cope with. You can accomplish and organize your entire life with more harmony, ease and face fewer question marks than the other way around!
Can you have your slave naked and collared and kneeling every night at dinner? Probably not. But that’s not what TPE really is about, is it? Your kids don’t even have to know what’s going on. We did it with 7 over the years and they all made it to adulthood without ever hearing the details. They simply believed he showed me the respect and deference all women deserve. 🙂