Dom, sub, switch, meaning, relationship, vanilla, kink, definition, submissive, dominant, switching, girl, guy, roles

Everything You Need to Know About Being a Switch

When most people think of a BDSM relationship, they usually only think of the Dominant and submissive roles.  The truth is, there are many shades of gray on the kink spectrum. Lots of people enjoy being what’s called a “switch,” and switching from Dom or sub can be a lot of fun. But what exactly is a switch, and how do you do it right? Keep reading to find out.

Dom, sub, switch, meaning, relationship, vanilla, kink, definition, submissive, dominant, switching, girl, guy, roles

The definition and meaning of switch

The definition of a switch is someone who enjoys engaging in both Dominant and submissive roles, or both topping and bottoming.  But what does that mean exactly? Well, the answer is: it depends. Here are some aspects about switching:

  • Switching doesn’t always involve a sexual relationship.
  • You may be a Dom with one partner, but a sub with another.
  • You may enjoy switching, but prefer a specific role.
  • Some couples switch as a way of taking turns.
  • As your life changes, you may switch to fulfill an emotional need.

Some or all of these points may apply to you.  That doesn’t mean you have to label yourself a switch (unless you want to).  Choose the BDSM identity that makes you feel the most comfortable.

Can only a girl switch or can a guy switch too?

The porn industry has perpetuated the idea of one girl topping another girl, while the guy enjoys the show.  Many Doms have this fantasy, but society doesn’t accept it as easily when the roles are reversed.  A guy who is a switch, even if their partner is a girl, may be seen as weak or unmanly. However, gender doesn’t have to play a factor at all when someone decides to switch. It simply involves domination and submission, and both can be enjoyed whether you’re a girl or a guy.

You can switch even if you’re in a vanilla relationship

Switching isn’t just for those in the kink community.  A lot of vanilla couples switch roles in the bedroom either part-time or full-time.  It’s a great way to keep the relationship new and exciting.  Letting your vanilla partner be the more dominant one can help you see what they like and are into.  Taking turns in a vanilla relationship also lets both of you have all your needs fulfilled.  If you’re nervous about bringing up the idea of switching with your partner, you can say something like, “I think it’d be really hot if you took control tonight (or, if I took control tonight).” Just be sure to start slow, and have fun with it!


Switching can help you test out the Dom/sub roles

You may be in a Dom/sub relationship, but that doesn’t mean it has to be that way 100% of the time.  Switching can be a way to see what the other side has to offer, and who knows, you may like it more than you think.  I believe switching, even lightly, can help both partners appreciate each other more.  It’s like when a parent and child switch roles for the day.  I think switching can also be a way to see if there’s any aspects of the other side you like, and want to test out and explore in scenes and play sessions.

Kink ideas for the Dominant or submissive switch

There are lots of different ways to enjoy switching and bring more kink to your relationship. To get started, either the Dominant or submissive can just say, “I’d like to try something a little different tonight, how about…”. If you need some inspiration, here are some ideas:

  • Trying a different position during sex where the sub is on top and in control.
  • If the submissive is a girl, having her use a strap-on.
  • The Dom can let the sub try out flogging, paddling, or another punishment tool.
  • Instead of giving commands, say please and ask for permission, or vice versa.
  • Allow topping from the bottom, with the sub doing it more on purpose.
  • The sub can control the Dom’s orgasm by stopping the stimulation and taking a break.
  • The Dom can have to “earn” to be with the sub.
  • The sub can be more bossy and authoritative when they are receiving oral sex.

Important safety note:  If you do switch, make sure safewords are revisited.  If you’re not used to saying them or responding to them, then it’s good to practice.  Also make sure to go over limits, which may be different in your new role.

Whether you’re a Dom or sub, guy or girl, vanilla or into kink, switching can be a lot of fun.  And remember, it doesn’t have to always be sexual.  It can bring more fulfillment in your life, and more meaning to a relationship. You may find that in BDSM, “switch” is the best fit for you.  🖤

Keep reading:  What to do when you don’t have a partner »

Have you tried switching? What are some of the challenges you’ve faced?  Let me know in the comments.

18 thoughts on “Everything You Need to Know About Being a Switch”

  1. I think being told to tell your fantasy.and it being totally embarrassing to do a guy wanting to be dominated by female’s..I find it very arousing and find myself wishing that to be done to me..just simply made to tell it all.she keeps prying and asking me to give details etc..yep…and once she knows it all..I’m doomed I’m thinking…

    1. Maybe she pries to learn how to better please you? Or to fuel her own fantasies? It can be fun to share that power. It is great when your Dom can control you. But to be able to switch it up & be controlled now & them is amazing! And you’ll learn more about her when you allow her in & give her some free reign.
      Stop holding back.

    2. Hey there, I just went through telling my girlfriend about my new interest in being her sub sometimes, as I am usually the dominant one, and it has so far been wonderful, but everyone’s different so you’re not wrong for being skittish, but there’s nothing wrong with you wanting to release control to her. if she’s understanding and into trying things you should be okay. I would just advise to move kind of slow and be sure to do lots of reading and make sure her needs and wants are still met. Good luck broh.

    3. I feal the same way, I to find my self aroused by the idea but am to afraid to ask or to take it any further. I’m coming to the conclusion that it could be good for are relationship, and as alot of excitement, she to enjoys pleasing and I think she would enjoy and it would empower her if I was honest but am scared of repercussions and what she might think.

  2. The decision for who is in what role can feel like the Weird Al song “Trapped in the Drive Through”.
    One way to solve the question of who decides is to earn it.
    Switch Olympics:
    A series of games, a tournament, resulting in a winner who chooses their role. Dominant by default. Crowned victor, they may take what they have earned. Timeframe for term is negotiated. Then a peaceful “switch” of power after the next tournament.
    The games turn a less desirable process into a main event. Challenge is constant, but I prefer an “and” solution to an “or” one.

  3. I have always been a bratty submissive but just recently I have been exploring the dominant world and oh it is so much fun.

  4. I am a sub with my husband but I am my kittens Dom. Being a switch gives great insight as to how to please and how to be pleased.

  5. I’m having a bit of trouble, I’ve told my partner my fantasy but they can’t preform it which is understandable and I can’t accept that but, it just feels like they still want me to preform every act for them correctly and accordingly and when I ask for the chance to just catch a break and be a bottom they kinda break down and throw a pity party, I don’t know what to do at this point..I love em and we’ve been happy just not so great when it comes to things in the bed

  6. I have always been a dominant but when getting with my man now I have to learn how to submit but so far its been good I’m a brat sub and it works out cause he likes switching…its amazing

  7. So I’m not really sure if I’m a sub or a switch I’ve tried both in a vanilla way but anybody I’ve been with I’ve been scared to tell them I’m kind of not a vanilla and they wouldn’t even know what BDSM was if I wrote it down I’m single right now but is there any advice as to how I figure out exactly if I am a sub or switch thank you

  8. I am enjoying your articles. Thank you for sharing your knowledge. I noticed in the comments you mentioned a community forum. I have been unable to find where/how to join on this site. Would you please tell me how? Thank you.

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