Dirty Talk During Sex: What to Say and How to Say It
Let’s face it: everyone wants their bedroom just a little bit spicier. Of course, that level of spice (and really, the flavor itself) is never going to look the same between any two given couples.
But do you know what is potentially spicier than all else? Communication.
Letting your partner know you’re connected, you’re present, and you’re into them is everything. It can transform an encounter from something ho-hum into something memorable. It can unearth desires you or your partner might not have even known were there. And it can have a lasting effect on your relationship out of the bedroom as well.
Dirty talk isn’t about emulating a persona you’ve seen or heard. It’s about expression. Naked, unadulterated, vulnerable self-expression. And when done well, it can lead to deeper connections between you and your partner.
But how should I go about talking dirty, you might be asking? Read on to get all the deep insights you (and your partner) need!
“Dirty Talk” – So Much More Than Meets the Ear
If you’ve come here looking for a bullet list of sexy dirty talk phrases to bust out, you might be disappointed. But that’s because dirty sex talk is so much more than “You’re so fucking hot” or “I want your cum.” There’s nothing wrong with those phrases, but what works for one couple is going to be a disaster for another. It’s just not quite so black and white, so learning how to talk dirty really can’t be.
Media would have us believe that dirty talk is all it takes to push our partners over the edge. Blurt these stock exclamations out and the cork is popped, right? Eh, maybe not so much…
In actuality, dirty talk isn’t about forcing a result. And it’s certainly not about cliches.
It’s about self-expression. It’s about unearthing your inner desires. It’s about celebrating your partner (or denigrating them, if that’s your kink). It’s about laying bare a shade of yourself that your partner can work with.
Before you start talking dirty in the bedroom, commune with yourself and better understand your desires. What gets you off? What turns you off? What experiences do you savor and which do you take for granted?
Once you better understand your sexual needs, turn your focus to your partner. What do they do that drives you wild? What aspects of their play are, perhaps, less enticing?
Answers to these questions and more will help you understand what you’re truly driving at in the bedroom. And knowing that will allow you to focus more intently on it while you two are at play.
Dirty Talk as Guidance
If, then, your dirty talk during sex is about self-expression, the next question is what is it for? You can use it not as a means of landing the plane, but to ensure all passengers have a great flight from beginning to end.
Dirty sex talk can be used to recalibrate the experience to your needs. It can be used to help guide your partner toward an act or an aspect of their persona that is sexually addictive. It can be used for building anticipation. The means may be varied, but they all lead to the same outcome: a more engaged encounter.
Dirty Talk as Foundation
Imagine yourself saying a sexy phrase during a hookup. Now imagine your partner vibes with it. Suddenly, a new dynamic has entered into the bedroom: one that you initiated and your partner appreciated.
It also works wonders for long-distance relationships, allowing couples to feel close even when they can’t be.
That’s the power of dirty talk. It allows us to be vulnerable but supported at the same time. And it allows for a potentially deeper connection with our partners if the result is welcome. The key is honesty.
Dirty Talk as Roleplay
But let’s assume you enjoy a bit of roleplay in your bedroom. Whether it’s prescriptive roles or traditional power dynamics, dirty talk during sex can support those roles. After all, a Dominant wouldn’t just dish out praise mindlessly, right? Nor would a submissive talk throughout an encounter (unless their Dom has allowed it).
For BDSM encounters, think of how to talk dirty during sex as a way of more deeply and genuinely settling into a role. You may be shocked to find it comes more easily than you expected.
Become a Better Communicator in the Bedroom
Everyone wants to be exactly what their partner desires. But the key to a good sex life is respectful honesty. Sexual communication should be your guiding light, and practicing dirty talk is a great start.
If you’re looking to boost your sexual prowess even further, Dom Sub Living has the resources to help you. Our coursework, community forums, and more are aimed at those looking to deepen their BDSM practice. We provide a safe space for seasoned pros and newbies alike. And our materials are designed to offer judgment-free support toward more fulfilling sexual encounters.
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