How to Incorporate Praise Kink into Your Sex Life

BDSM is all about tapping into your most deeply seeded pleasure centers and giving them exactly what they want. But what they want might be different from your partner or other people. In truth, there are dozens and dozens of kinks out there in the universe. One of the fundamental kinks in BDSM play is praise kink.
In this article, join me as I delve into the topic of the praise fetish. We’ll discuss how to incorporate it into your sexual play as well as some common misuses to avoid.
What is a Praise Kink? Positive Reinforcement on Overdrive
As the name might suggest, praise kink is all about praise. Specifically, compliments, praise, and positive reinforcement given from one person to their sexual partner.
But hang on, you might be saying, “I tell my partner they’re hot all the time. Do they have a praise kink?”
Not necessarily. While those good vibes are an essential part of the praise kink, they also dovetail with the power dynamics of a BDSM relationship. Really, the praise and the power dynamics work together to form something much more powerful.
Think of it this way: In a vanilla encounter, compliments and praise tend to flow both ways. Each person regularly compliments their partner’s technique, physical attributes, and more. While certainly lovely, there’s nothing inherently kinky about that experience.
But in a praise-kink-charged BDSM encounter, the affirmation play is additive. It relies on the foundation already set by the Dominant and submissive roles you and your partner have assumed.
There’s one other twist, though: unlike vanilla play, the praise kink for D/s tends to flow in one direction. Namely: from the Dom to their submissive partner.
Why? Because if it flowed both ways, it would have little to do with the dynamic. And praise from a sub to their Dom isn’t quite as heavy hitting, is it?
So How Can You Employ the Praise Kink in Your Bedroom?
So, let’s say you’ve read all that above and said, “Yep, sounds like it’s for me!” What next?
While the praise kink is one of the simpler kinks to invoke in the bedroom, there are still some things you can do to really get your bang for your buck. Here’s a quick guide:
Pre-Play: The Contract
Like any good BDSM engagement, it should all start with a contract between partners. The BDSM contract helps you and your partner define expectations and boundaries. This way, everyone gets what they need during play with little to no disappointment or risk.
We recently wrote a post on BDSM contracts, along with some helpful resources to create your own. Check it out if you need a helping hand during the contract phase.
During Play: Key Words and Phrases
You may have read that there are 30 (or so) intense praise kink phrases to use in the bedroom. But first, let’s get to the bottom of why you might consider saying a word or phrase here and there.
Remember, the praise kink is all about positive reinforcement. It’s like a little gift given to a sub to tell them they’re giving their Dom exactly what’s expected. For a Dom, this is a means of guiding the sexual experience to everyone’s benefit. And for a sub, these little treats of positivity can mean the world (especially when they’re withheld).
So, what are the kinds of verbal affirmations you might use in your praise fetish play? A compliment kink phrase is really as simple or complex as you want it to be. Here are a few ideas to get the ball rolling:
- “Good girl/boy”
- “You’re taking it so well”
- “Good job”
- “Just like that”
- “You have an amazing [insert whatever body part you want to compliment here]”
- “I love watching you like this”

Not overly complicated, right? But you can imagine the power a simple phrase like one of the above can have in a D/s dynamic. Inject some gender dynamics into the mix (like that good girl kink vibe in that first bullet) and you’ve got a potent aphrodisiac.
Post-Play: Aftercare
Once play is over, you likely engage in your aftercare rituals to ensure all parties are well and sated. But your compliment kink doesn’t need to end when both parties are finished.
As an added bonus, compliments can be peppered in here and there when not in play to help build anticipation for the next encounter. One of the greatest things about the praise kink is that it can continue to flow even when not actively engaged!
The Traps of a Praising Kink
Like any kink, it’s important to enter into an encounter with your eyes open. Despite being good-natured, the praise kink has various pitfalls that many novice practitioners may fall into. Here are a few to watch out for:
- Overuse
- Gaslighting
- Misaligned Praise
- Inconsistency
Just remember like everything BDSM related, mindfulness goes a long way.
Introduce the Praising Kink in Your Bedroom
Now that you know how to introduce the praise kink in your bedroom, it’s time to take your BDSM play to an even deeper level. And Dom Sub Living is here to help support you.
We offer countless resources and training courses to help you and your partner be better lovers, better role keepers, and better Doms and subs. It’s all in the spirit of celebrating BDSM and helping to further kink education.
Are you ready to deepen your connection and feel good in any sexual context? Take the next step in your journey today!