In beginning my BDSM journey as a sub, I thought keeping a journal was very vanilla. “Shouldn’t I just tell my Dom my feelings and ideas?” I didn’t think a submissive journal would be useful, but my Dominant wanted me to so I obeyed. Here’s what I’ve learned, plus some writing prompts and examples to help you start. Be sure to download your free template here.
Why is a journal so important?
A journal is a submissive’s safe place to write down whatever they want. In a life full of control and submission, it can be their only outlet to vent their feelings freely. Journaling can be very therapeutic.
It also gives the Dom a glimpse into their sub’s mind so he can better understand her. In order for this all to happen though, a sub should always feel safe to write anything in their journal without fear of being punished.
If a sub is constantly asked, “Why did you write that?”, they’ll slowly stop writing for themselves and more for pleasing their Master. My journal has a list of rules at the beginning of it. Here is a sample of it you can use as a template:
“Only the submissive can write here, unless she gives approval for the Dominant to respond in it. All other responses of the Dom will be by email, text, or handwritten notes only. The sub will not have to answer for anything she writes here, or be held accountable. The Dom can indirectly discuss any concerns he has but without referencing her journal.”
Submissive journal rules and expectations can also be explained in a BDSM contract as well. For examples of contracts click here.
Ideas to get you started
The most traditional type of journal is a notebook, maybe kept in a sub’s nightstand where the Dom has access to it. With technology now though there are a lot better alternatives. I feel the best journal is a digital document that both parties can share.
I keep a note on my iPhone entitled “Submissive’s Journal” that I have shared with my Dom. The advantage to this is that he gets a notification on his phone as soon as I write a new entry. That way I don’t have to wonder if he’s seen that I wrote something, and he doesn’t have to keep checking it. Examples also include a Word or Pages template too.
If you are afraid someone else will accidentally read it you could also protect it with a password. Journals can also be done online, or even as part of a blog.
Examples of writing prompts to use as a template
Now that you know why to write and how to write, it’s time to figure out what to write. Basically a submissive can write anything they want as a reflection of what’s going on in their mind. If nothing is coming to them or they just need some fresh inspiration, here’s some ideas and examples of prompts to get you started:
- What you like most about being a sub/slave/little
- The biggest challenges to being a sub/slave/little
- Positive things that happened during the day
- Your favorite sexual things, or new things you want to try
- If you could change one thing about your current relationship what would it be?
- Read a post on Domsubliving.com and journal your thoughts about it
- Your goals as a sub/slave/little
- What you would tell your past-BDSM self
Of course one of the best ways to get ideas for journaling prompts is for a sub to ask their Dom. I’m sure they would love to know their sub’s thoughts on many different subjects.
How often should a submissive journal?
A submissive doesn’t have to journal every day (unless their Dom tells them to), but they should at the very least journal once a week. Journaling often can allow a sub to release their frustrations through writing, and it can keep them from acting out or behaving bratty. It can catch and fix problems early.
A sub shouldn’t only journal when they are upset and need to vent though. It’s also good for them to record positive things, so both the sub and the Dom can look back on their relationship with confidence.
A word for the Dom:
It is extremely important that your sub should always feel comfortable writing in their journal. It may be their only safe place they are allowed to vent, “cry”, or “scream”. If your sub senses that you are judging them because of what they write, they may begin to censor their entries. Even if your sub writes, “I hate my Dom,” resist the urge to ask why they wrote it.
Remember, children and teenagers will often journal rebelliously, so your little is just expressing normal behaviors. Instead of confronting your sub, ask them later how they are feeling and if there is anything they think needs improvement.
A well-used journal is a sign of a sub who feels comfortable and safe. Be sure to download your free template below. Writing often is not only good for the sub, but will help the Dom better understand the needs of the BDSM relationship. 🖤
How do you journal? What are your ideas for prompts? Share in the the comments.
Im currently negotiating my very first dom sub relationship…He has asked me to keep a journal not only as a space to reflect but as a space he can gain knowledge and use it as his own guides to better training and a better insight to how my mind and emotions work. I must admit that sharing my inner most thoughts like that does scare me a little and I really dont know where to start with it as we are still at the negotiating stage…I was hoping you might have some thoughts on this…I am also in a vanilla relationship…What is the best way to avoid my partner or one of my children accessing my journal???
Great question! To keep your journal safe and secure you can keep it on your phone in a password protected note or document. You can also give it a boring title, like “Shopping List”. That should keep out any curious snoopers. 😉
I am in my very first Dom/sub relationship. We live in different towns and he is always asking me how I feel. I am very interested in keeping a journal, and he wants to have easy access to it. How do I go about being able to share it with him without fear of anyone else being able to have access to it? What apps are out there for this? I have an android phone as does my Dom.
Thank you in advance for all of your help!
Great question! My Dom and I use iPhones because we feel they’re more secure, but I think you can do basically the same thing on an Android phone. You would open the Google Keep app, tap the note you want to share, tap Action, tap Collaborator, enter a name or email address, and then in the top right, tap Save. Hope it works for you, and congratulations on being in your very first Dom/sub relationship! ????
My sub and I are very pleased with Penzu. There are apps for both Android & iOS as well as the desktop version. The free version is more than enough for everything I ask of her but there is also a premium version which adds a few features
The app has a password and adds an additional locking feature as well.
Either of us can log in. While it doesn’t have a notification system for new entries, my sub responds every morning to prompts I leave.
Hope that helps
Thank you for the recommendation!
What journal app are you using? I would love my Dom to receive notifications as well!
You can try using Keep
That’s another good app if you like Google, and it’s free. Thanks Mel!
Bianca,
That’s a great question! I don’t use a journal app. I use the “Notes” app on my iPhone. It has a setting to share it with someone so I share it with my Dom. It alerts him whenever I write in it. I’m not sure if you have Android, or a Mac or PC computer, but you could do the same thing in a document like Google Docs, Word, or Pages. I hope this helps!
Thanks for the great article. I have a journal for my Dom to read, and I use Google Docs; however, it doesn’t give notifications of updates. Sad face!
Oh no, HoneyRain! Super sad face! There are some workarounds with Google Docs though. If you click on “Add-ons” in the toolbar, then “Get add-ons,” there are a couple extensions you could try for your Dom getting notifications. One is “Folder notifications for Google drive,” and another is, “ezNotifications for docs”. I hope this helps! Good job keeping a journal. ????
I am just stating to set up a journal. I’ve been looking at the traditional paper journals out there. I have a long commute to and from work via public transportation and I rather like the idea of a digital journal over a book type one. It would be less weight to carry in my bags and no worries of the journal getting wet, dirty, loosing pens, and I can always write in it as I always have my phone on me. I’ve been trying to set up the share in the notes on my iPhone. I haven’t figured it out yet. How do you set that up? Thanks bunches for all your help!
No problem, Jackie, I can definitely help you out!
First, open then notes app in your iPhone and make a new note. You can title it something like “Submissive Journal”. I like to write the day’s date and then my entry. I always put the newest entry at the top, in the same note, under the title. When you are ready to share, click the icon in the top right that’s a person and a plus sign. Send the note to someone either through a text message or an email. The person can now add your note to their Apple notes, and they will get a notification every time you modify it. Hope this helps, and let me know if you need any more help!
As a Wwebdesigner I created a beautiful Jjournal for my Dom. We are in a LDR so I wanted it to be perfect. I installed a plugin which tells me how often a post has been read – very often: Never.
I asked him why he doesnt read it and he replied that since we use regular communication like WhatsApp or Kakao he doesn’t see the need in it.
I’ve written 2-3 more and he didnt read them either so I deleted the whole thing. Not sure if he ever noticed it.
I must admit I’m sad it’s gone. Yes, I can write him via WA but it’s just not the same. So no journal for us. I tried several times but no success.
That’s awesome that you created your own journal and plugin, Jess, but I’m so sorry your Dom didn’t appreciate it.
I think it would be good for you to share this article with him. It could be that he just doesn’t get how a journal is different from WhatsApp. When you’re texting you have to edit and censor what you write, but not so with a journal.
Even if he still doesn’t want to be a part of your journal, I would still encourage you to journal. There’s so many benefits as a sub, for everyone really. I think you should definitely keep using it, no matter what your Dom does. ????
That’s a red flag if I ever saw one!
I have kept a journal in the past but I never felt I could be honest. He would read it and sometimes the comments he made back to me were so negative.
I’m so sorry this happened to you, Lisa.
Be sure to share this article with your partner, so he can see that it’s supposed to be your safe place, and that he’s not allowed to make negative comments about what you write.
I’ve been a Dom over 40 years and have always had my sub/slave keep a daily journal. Not only is it a great place for her to vent and free write it gives me insight to her physe. My current slave has written in Google docs every day the for the past 4 years. I don’t need to be notified that she has written because I always read it every morning with my coffee. I’ll respond to it on my way home from work that evening. It works well for us. I just created a new Doc because 4 years of journaling takes a while to get to the bottom post. 🙂 Journaling is key to any healthy BDSM relationship trust me. My sub is very quiet and this gives her a place to tell me what’s on her mind.
Congratulations on 4 years of having your slave journal! ????
I have always used a dedicated Gmail address for my subs. There are enough options to adapt the routine a Dominant prefers to the unique traits of the individual thst meet the needs of both partners.
My Dom has me journaling once a week. It’s way out of my comfort zone, I’ve never been comfortable putting my innermost thoughts where someone else could see them. We are strictly online and long distance so I can see the merit in journaling for him and for myself. I’m having trouble figuring out what to write. I have used it to get out some of the things that have happened in my past that I can’t seem to tell him through our text conversations. I’ve also used it to vent some frustrations with our relationship and he reads all my entries but he NEVER comments or brings up anything I’ve written about. Even when I said I wish he would in my journal. He says if he thinks something is an issue he will bring it up, but sometimes I write something in there that I would like to discuss.
We also use Penzu, I like it because the only way to access my username and password from my phone is with my fingerprint. I feel safer that way. All I had to do for him to have access is send him my username and password.
I am in my first bdsm relationship. We are long distance (he lives an hour and a half away and we are in lockdown so no visiting. Pouty face). But I’ve been reading a lot of posts on your site and saw this one. I told my dom about making a shared journal on google docs and we starour limits, rules, rewards, punishments and more in the journal.
I added most of my things in and earlier today he added his. I got really happy when I read his edits in the journal. He also told me that he has wanted to do this for a while, and that he was really happy I gave him the idea.
I use MS OneNote with the Onetastic add-on… both are free… in this app, create a shared note-book you can link by invite… it links to outlook mail and the add-on has calendars plus other features… I have been using it as my bullet journal since 2016 and have incorporated the D/s stuff in the last 3 years… you can create lists, search for quick links, create hyperlinks and cite sources for web browsing… then you can password protect each SECTION—????… so far it’s been a wonderful experience!! Check it out and share.
It’s been a long time since I’ve had a sub but we used to keep several journals mostly because there were times when we needed a free moment away from the life. We set it on a colour system. If we were out in public away from the paper journals we used an invite only conversation and would colour-code our words if were were in public. They had one specifically for them so that if there was anything I didn’t need to see or they didn’t want me to see it was there. There was one for us in play, one for us out of play, and then my own personal one that I used for observations of what worked for us and what didn’t. I kept it because there were some days where the behavior didn’t fit what they wished and I wished to keep track so I didn’t accidentally give them something that would damage them.
Hey, just wanted to let people know of the app “Waffle”. It’s on Android and IOS. It has a password or fingerprint lock to get into the app (if you want), and it can be setup so whomever you chose the share your journal with, will get a notification every time there is a new entry.
Oh, and it sorts the entries from new to old. So you don’t have to scroll to the bottom. 😊 And it’s free.
Thank you so much for sharing!
Hi there I’m a new Dom , trying waffle as Steph suggests, it’s quite good and makes me feel secure knowing that it’s locked even if someone has my phone. I’ve asked my sub to journal each day to help them express their thoughts not necessarily just for our D/s as they also have a vanilla outside. What are your thoughts on punishment for not writing in the journal if at all? I’m not wanting to punish for the content but for not using it