5 Newbie Mistakes I Didn’t Expect in My BDSM Journey (Ep. 19)
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In this episode, I share some embarrassing but essential reflections on the newbie mistakes I made when I first ventured into the captivating world of BDSM. I believe that by unveiling my missteps, I can help others steer clear of similar awkward situations and find their groove in the BDSM lifestyle. So, here are the five newbie mistakes I made and the valuable lessons I learned along the way.
IN THIS EPISODE
- Sharing embarrassing newbie mistakes.
- Reflecting on early experiences in the BDSM lifestyle.
- Avoiding common pitfalls.
- Gaining insights into the importance of building essential skills, mindset, and trust within a Dom/sub relationship.
- Discovering how to cultivate independence, navigate challenges, and seek support to foster a healthy and fulfilling dynamic.
Mistake #1: Buying Too Much Gear Instead of Focusing on Skills and Mindset
When I embarked on my journey as a sub, I was over the moon about acquiring gear. The thrill of adding new toys to my collection clouded my focus on the fundamental aspects of BDSM, such as communication, trust, and emotional connection. I was so caught up in the allure of new gear that I neglected the essence of submission and being obedient to my Dom.
Lesson Learned: I advise newcomers to start with minimal gear and emphasize the emotional and psychological aspects of BDSM. Building a strong foundation based on essential skills like Dominance, submission, control, and obedience is vital before diving into a vast collection of toys and accessories.
Mistake #2: Topping From the Bottom
As a strong-willed individual, surrendering control and deferring to my Dom was initially challenging. I found myself inadvertently attempting to manipulate situations and frequently misusing my safe word, which led to unproductive power struggles within the dynamic.
Lesson Learned: I discovered the importance of effective communication and respectful expression of needs. Incorporating regular check-ins, journaling, and using honorifics deepened my understanding of genuine submission and curbed the impulse to top from the bottom.
Mistake #3: Not Attending In-Person Events
Social anxiety and apprehensions about not fitting in hindered me from engaging in BDSM community events. I underestimated the support, learning potential, and diverse representation offered by participation in person.
Lesson Learned: I realized the invaluable benefits of attending in-person groups and events, fostering a network of like-minded individuals, and gaining wisdom from peers of various skill levels and backgrounds.
Find local kink events in your area with our Dom Sub Training resource directories >>
Mistake #4: Putting Too Much Reliance on My Dom
Early on, I leaned heavily on my Dom for guidance, neglecting my individual growth and responsibility. This lopsided dynamic impeded personal and relational progress.
Lesson Learned: I discovered the necessity of fostering independence, self-care, and hobbies within the BDSM lifestyle to cultivate a healthy balance in the dynamic, nurturing both individual and relational identity.
Mistake #5: Quitting Every Time It Got Hard
In moments of emotional intensity and vulnerability, I struggled with resilience, often resorting to impulsive actions like tearing up our contract and considering walking away from the dynamic.
Lesson Learned: Through perseverance, open and honest communication, and seeking guidance from kink-friendly therapists, my Dom and I navigated through challenges, strengthening our bond and solidifying a healthy and fulfilling domination and submission dynamic.
Find local kink friendly therapists in your area with our Dom Sub Training resource directories >>
Navigate the BDSM Learning Curve with Confidence
I hope my acknowledgments of these missteps help you through your learning curves and avoid similar stumbling blocks. Remember, it’s okay to make mistakes! What matters most is the commitment to learning and evolving. Until next time, embrace your journey, embrace growth, and stay kinky! If you want to discover your kink personality type, take our quiz for free at domsubliving.com/quiz.
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