BDSM Submissive Punishments: How to Punish a Sub Effectively
Most Dominant/submissive relationships in BDSM usually have varying types of submissive punishments. And if rules are broken, the next steps are more than clear. Correction (even over text) is needed from time to time when a sub breaks the rules.
However, many Doms struggle with ideas for knowing how to punish a sub. This is a cornerstone stumble in the power exchange dynamics for kinksters new to BDSM. But really, punishments for BDSM can be relatively simple, and even exciting. The key is to nestle into your roles, to set expectations, and to stick to them.
Here are some tips to keep in mind for a BDSM submissive punishment, and we even have a free punishment master list.
In This Article
Submissive Punishments Need to Have a Reason
The main goal of punishments for your sub is so they will learn from it. A punishment can, if administered properly, teach a lesson. Unlike positive reinforcement, it’s meant to discourage certain actions from ever taking place again.
The Dom disciplines to discourage unacceptable conduct, and to ensure that the sub fully appreciates their role. A sub should always know why they are being punished.
In fact, it is good etiquette to say beforehand, “You are being punished because…” or to ask, “Why are you being punished?” This keeps the focus on the behavior that needs to change and off of any good behavior that may have taken place. That way, the sub won’t feel like it’s themselves that the Dom doesn’t like.
The success of the sub punishment will also have much to do with how well the rules of a BDSM contract are laid out. This step should always be done beforehand.
There are few things worse than not knowing what you did or why you’re being punished for it. Even worse is not understanding how to prevent it from happening again. Doms need to avoid making things up as they go along. Communicating any expectations, even over text message, is crucial.
The Punishment for Your Sub Should Fit the Crime
Failure to comply with any rules should usually result in some sort of BDSM submissive punishment. The harshness should be determined by the severity of the misdeed. For example, if a sub waits 15 minutes to respond to a Dom’s text message, an intense caning would probably be too much.
Something to know about me is that I sub and welcome punishment. For softer submissive punishments, my Dom likes to push me into uncomfortable territory. That may be by making me remove my panties for the entire day, or having me wear Ben Wa Balls. These punishments also work for long distance D/s relationships.
On the other hand, if a sub has committed a major offense, corporal submissive punishment will probably be required. Quite a few times, I’ve gained my Dom’s disapproval so much to make him spank me so long and hard that I’ve bawled into my pillow.
If you enjoy DD/lg, I’ve got some examples that call for sub punishments for littles. Consider punishments that include not cleaning their room, spending too much time on their phone, etc.
Don’t be Too Soft With Submissive Punishments
There is nothing worse than expecting a hard submissive punishment and getting off with “a slap on the wrist.” Even worse is receiving no punishment at all.
Some subs perform best when they perform certain BDSM rituals or are disciplined at least daily. Others require punishment every other day, or even once a week. Remember, every kink and need is always going to be slightly unique.
Look for patterns. If a sub commits one of the common mistakes when topping from the bottom, for example, the next step is more than clear. An in-kind BDSM punishment for your sub is probably in order. Again, we are all imperfect human beings, and there is always some correction in behavior that can be found.
Many Doms who are new to BDSM may hold back, fearing that they are going too far, especially if a sub starts crying. And I get it—BDSM punishments can be intimidating! But that is where understanding The 6 Things You Need to Know About Safe Words comes in. If it gets too painful, physically, emotionally, or mentally, a sub has the right to a safe word.
One way to gauge how painful a sub punishment is can be to make the sub count each time they are hit. My Dom usually will spank me five times, making me count after each one. That way, he can tell in my voice if he is going too hard or soft. Another idea is to have the sub recite a phrase after each hit, like, “I am Daddy’s little girl.”
Timing is Crucial With Submissive Punishments (Even Over Text)
Usually, a sub knows when they mess up, and they dread the after-effects of displeasing their Dom. If the Dom completely forgets to punish or even puts it off it is less effective.
Click the image below to get your FREE BDSM Punishment Master List with 30+ ideas!
Sometimes, a little bit of time can grow the anticipation. It can force the sub to meditate on what they did. But in general, sub punishments should happen by the end of the day. A longer amount of time passing may dampen the discipline.
If it’s a long-distance D/s relationship, and you want to know how to punish a sub over text, check this out. Read The 7 Rules for a Long-Distance Dom/sub Relationship and keep in mind the timing when administering BDSM discipline.
Anything later than a day often misses the goal of teaching the sub so they learn to never do it again. Subs need to also see that their Doms care enough about the relationship to take the time to discipline them. If a Dom ignores bad behavior or puts off (or neglects) submissive punishments, the results are less than ideal. The sub can feel insignificant or unimportant and may be more likely to engage in bad behavior again.
Whether it’s a spanking or orgasm denial, it should happen in a timely manner. Even a stern lecture over text message can make a huge impact. A sub needs to know they are important enough for the Dom to want to correct bad behavior.
BDSM Submissive Punishment Ideas for How to Punish a Sub
Important reminder: the subject of BDSM discipline should always be discussed beforehand. This will keep things consensual and safe, which is why reading The Ultimate Guide to a Safe BDSM Lifestyle is important. A written BDSM contract can list the types of punishments for BDSM that are acceptable, and the severity that is agreed on.
There are so many ways a Dom can punish their sub for bad behavior. And remember, what might work for one couple could be a complete disaster for another. That’s why clear communication about your kinks and turn-offs is essential.
But that’s not to say we can’t daydream a little to get the creative juices flowing. While not exhaustive, consider this a first step, of sorts. I can at least help you start to visualize what might work for you and your partner in the realm of BDSM submissive punishment.
Here are some BDSM punishment ideas for submissive punishments to get you started:
- Spanking – My favorite, I love to hate. This form of physical punishment is usually done on the bed without clothes on. Using the Dom’s bare hand has the advantage of keeping the physical connection between both parties. It also prevents them from doing serious damage because they will have the pain in their hand as a gauge.
- Paddling – Administered like a spanking but uses an object like an actual paddle, ruler, hair brush, etc. Impact play like this can be as exciting as it is disciplining.
- Whipping – Belts can do serious damage, so this is better when done lightly.
- Biting – Usually done during a sexual encounter when a sub displeases the Dom.
- Orgasm denial or edging – Either for a minute or a day, to remind a sub that their Dom has the power over their sexual fulfillment.
- Brazilian wax – Making a sub get this done will only work to punish them if they don’t currently enjoy doing this.
- Get your free master list with 30+ more ways
Remember, punishments only work when given consistently. Keep these sub punishment suggestions and ideas in mind. In time, your D/s relationship will continue to thrive and bring greater fulfillment.
Frequently Asked Questions About Submissive Punishments and How to Punish a Sub
What Should I Do if I’m Uncomfortable with a Particular Punishment?
It’s important to establish clear boundaries and limits with your partner before engaging in BDSM play. If you’re uncomfortable with a particular sub punishment, it’s important to communicate this to your partner. Instead, negotiate a punishment that you both find acceptable.
If you’re really struggling with role fulfilment, power dynamics, and more in the bedroom, there’s hope. Consider signing up for my One-to-One mentoring service to help keep you on track with your BDSM practice.
How Can I Communicate My Punish Limits and Boundaries to My Partner?
Clear and open communication is key to a healthy BDSM relationship. It’s important to establish a safe word or other signal shared between you. This is a word you can use to communicate if your submissive punishments become too intense. But it will also be used to regularly check in with your partner to ensure that both parties are comfortable and happy.
You may also want to discuss your limits and boundaries before engaging in play. This will ensure that your partner is aware of your needs and preferences.
What if I Enjoy the Punishment?
If you enjoy the sub punishment, it’s important to communicate this to your partner. It’s also important to continue to explore and negotiate what works best for both of you. Regularly check in with your partner to ensure that both parties are enjoying the experience. This will ensure your Dom knows how to punish a sub in the way that you both need.
Click the image below to get your FREE Punishment Master List with 30+ ideas!
Want more? Sign up for my newsletter and get BDSM tips on the regular.
