Finding Kinky Love: How to Find a D/s Partner (Ep. 17)


Today, we’re diving into a topic that’s on many of your minds – finding a legitimate Dom or sub partner. Whether you’re single, navigating the challenges of the BDSM community, or seeking a third partner to enhance your dynamic, I’ve got you covered. Let’s explore how to make BDSM a lifestyle and find the kinky love you deserve.


  • Finding a legitimate Dom or sub partner, especially with Valentine’s Day approaching.
  • Navigating the challenges of meeting people in the BDSM community who might only be interested in sex or money.
  • Meeting and connecting with the local kink community and meeting other people in the lifestyle.
  • Vetting potential Dom or sub partners to ensure a safe and fulfilling relationship.
  • Presenting your authentic self in the best light while looking for a Dom or sub partner.

Connecting with the Kink Community

As the BDSM community becomes more accepting and welcoming than ever, now is the best time to connect with your local kink community. In Episode 4 of the Dom Sub Living podcast, I touched on the inclusivity of the BDSM community, highlighting the numerous opportunities to meet like-minded individuals.

There are various ways to engage, including:

  • Joining groups
  • Attending meetups and events
  • Using kink-friendly dating apps and websites

I’ve personally used these platforms, and they’ve been instrumental in connecting me and my students with potential partners.

Reflecting on Past Relationships

Before diving into a new dynamic, it’s crucial to reflect on past relationships. I encourage you to ask important questions, such as:

  • What didn’t I get in those relationships that I needed?
  • What role did I play in the endings of those relationships?

Reflecting on these questions can provide valuable insights into your needs and desires, helping you grow as a Dom or sub. Take the time to journal about these questions and be honest with yourself. Making necessary changes and allowing yourself time to heal is essential.

Crafting Your Wish List: Defining Your Ideal Partner

After addressing past concerns, it’s time to envision your future. Create a wish list outlining the qualities you seek in a prospective partner. This list serves as a personal agreement, enabling you to stay true to your criteria.

Consider including aspects such as:

  • Age range
  • Experience in the BDSM lifestyle
  • Views on polyamorous relationships
  • Attitudes toward pain play and punishment
  • Physical attributes
  • Sexual preferences
  • Personal qualities

Additionally, identifying any deal-breakers can help you navigate potential partnerships with confidence.

The Vetting Process: Ensuring Safe and Fulfilling Relationships

Vetting potential Dom or sub partners is a crucial step that should not be overlooked. Engaging in conversations that address likes and dislikes, boundaries, and expectations is vital for establishing safe and fulfilling relationships. I’ve created a free vetting checklist available at to assist you through this process.

Whether you’re exploring online or in-person connections, properly vetting potential partners is essential for both short-term scenes and long-term dynamics.

Attracting Your Ideal Partner

When meeting potential partners, it’s essential to present your authentic self in the best light. Authenticity is key – you don’t need to change who you are to attract your ideal partner. Embrace your role as a Dominant or submissive, as you are your future partner’s Dom or sub.

If you’re uncertain about how to express your kinks, whether on dating apps or in conversations with vanilla individuals, remember that it can be done in a non-intimidating and respectful manner.

4 Steps to Finally Find Your Perfect Partner

If you’re struggling to find a Dom or sub partner, I’m here to be your kinky matchmaker. The “4 Steps to Finally Find Your Perfect Partner” course was designed with your needs in mind.

I’m passionate about helping kinksters find their long-term BDSM partners and believe that creating a BDSM relationship doesn’t have to involve navigating through fakes or scammers. By enrolling in the course, you’ll gain comprehensive insights and techniques to navigate the search for a legitimate Dom or sub partner.

Embracing Your Power and Pleasure

Remember, you’re not alone, and finding a legitimate Dom or sub partner is more than possible with the right approach and mindset. Don’t hesitate to check out the “How to Find Your Perfect Partner” course, if you’re ready to stop being alone and single. Stay tuned for more empowering episodes and keep embracing your power and pleasure through Dom Sub Living.

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