When a Dominant or submissive starts a BDSM relationship, they’re usually very excited and motivated. But after some time passes, the realities of life begin to set in. What can keep a sub eager to serve and also prevent a Dom from neglecting their partner? BDSM maintenance! When you hear that term, you may think only of spankings, but so much more is involved. Keep reading to learn exactly how to master maintenance.
Yes, Maintenance Spankings are Necessary
Maintenance spankings seem to be debated a lot in the BDSM community. Some feel that it’s cruel because they think you’re just hitting a sub without a real reason. But maintenance spankings do have a real purpose. They are to remind the sub who is in control, and the pain can be something for their mind to refocus on.
Maintenance spankings are only OK if the sub has consented to receive pain, and it’s agreed upon in your contract.
How to make it work: Maintenance spankings don’t have to be as hard or severe as punishment ones, but they should be intense and long enough to “snap” a sub back into their role.
As for how often they should happen? I think a good rule of thumb is if the sub hasn’t had a spanking in three days then they’re due for one. You could add a separate section in your journal or task list just to keep track of spankings.
Keep the Orgasms Coming
Orgasms are wonderful. They release powerful neurotransmitters and help lower stress. They also boost your mood and improve the quality of your sleep. These are all things a submissive needs, not just Doms.
With effective BDSM maintenance, keeping a sub “regulated” can help them have more stable emotions and, in turn, help them to be more obedient as a submissive. And when a sub can help their Dom reach orgasm, it makes them feel useful and needed.
How to make it work: Decide together what each partner requires in terms of the frequency of orgasms. Some people need it only once a week, others need it daily. Once you’ve figured out each other’s requirements, make sure to put fulfilling that need at the top of your priority list.
Why Journaling is Essential to BDSM Maintenance
A submissive’s journal is their safe place to write down whatever they want. In a life full of control and submission, it can be their only outlet to vent their feelings freely. Journaling can be very therapeutic and can help encourage gratitude.
It also gives the Dom a glimpse into their sub’s mind so they can better understand them. For this all to happen, a sub should always feel safe to write anything in their journal without fear of being punished.
How to make it work: Just like with spankings and orgasms, journaling needs to be done regularly. I recommend once a week at least, but it can be done daily too. I journal every morning and every night.
If the sub doesn’t have time to write a whole page, they can be given a simple sentence to finish, like, “Today I feel ___________, because ___________. If the sub has more time, then the Dom can provide writing prompts.
Plus, a Dom that understands how their sub feels can come up with strategies for their next play session that they both enjoy.
Want a free Submissive Journal to download? Click the image below!
The sub’s Health Should Be a Priority
An important thing to know about how to be submissive is that if a submissive is in good health, they will be able to perform at their best physically, mentally, emotionally, and sexually. Also, a sub is the property of their Dom, and as such, they are a direct representation of their Dom. This will cause a sub to take great pride in the health and presentation of their bodies.
However, it is also the Dom’s responsibility to make sure his property is in the best condition possible. The focus should be on what I like to call the “Holy Trinity”: sleep, diet, and exercise.
How to make it work: This will take a lot of self-discipline on both of your parts, but it can be accomplished. Here are some tips that have helped my Dom and me:
- Set an alarm for when you need to get ready for bed, factoring in time for play sessions.
- Set another alarm for when you need to be in bed, going to sleep.
- Don’t use any electronic screens for an hour before bed.
- Plan your meals the day before and stick to a calorie limit.
- Focus on eating vegetables, fruits, whole grains, beans, and nuts
- Drink lots of water, at least 10 cups a day.
- Schedule your workouts for the whole week.
- Try to exercise in the morning rather than the evening so you’re more likely to stick to it.
It will take a lot of trial and error, but just continue to make adjustments. Don’t give up!
A Dom Shouldn’t Focus Just On Punishments
Just as with a child, a sub may get discouraged if they’re only told what they did wrong. While discipline and punishments are huge in a BDSM relationship, rewards are very important too. Rewards help reinforce good behavior. They also let the sub know they are pleasing their Dom and that they are a “good girl” or “good boy.”
Even psychology agrees with this. Humans usually cannot create a new behavior or habit through just punishments. Punishments tend to work better for stopping or preventing certain behaviors. Psychologists agree that forming new behaviors and habits require positive reinforcement and rewards.
How to make it work: A Dom should commend their sub for at least one thing every day. When the sub has been especially good, the Dom can reward them, big or small, depending on the behavior. Some ideas for rewards include:
- A massage or pedicure
- Extra time on the internet
- A special food treat
- Extra snuggle time
- Longer, more attentive aftercare
- Being allowed to make certain choices, like where to go out for dinner
- A new stuffie
- Getting to sleep in an extra hour
Maintaining submission may be difficult as time passes in a relationship, but it’s not impossible. In fact, if you apply the strategies I mentioned in this article, it can become quite easy. So make maintenance spankings, orgasms, and journaling a regular part of your lifestyle, and focus more on health and rewarding good behavior, and you will master BDSM maintenance too. 🖤
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