Sub maintenance spankings submissive Dom

Exactly How to Master Sub Maintenance

When a Dominant or submissive starts a BDSM relationship, they’re usually very excited and motivated.  But after some time passes the realities of life begin to set in. What can keep a sub eager to serve and also prevent a Dom from neglecting their partner? Sub maintenance!  When you hear that term you may think only of spankings, but so much more is involved.  Keep reading to learn exactly how to master maintenance.

Sub maintenance spankings submissive Dom

Yes, maintenance spankings are necessary

Maintenance spankings seem to be debated a lot in the BDSM community.  Some feel that it’s cruel because they think you’re just hitting a sub without a real reason. But maintenance spankings do have a real purpose.  They are to remind the sub who is in control, and the pain can be something for their mind to refocus on.

Maintenance spankings are only OK if the sub has consented to receiving pain, and it’s agreed upon in your contract.

How to make it work:  Maintenance spankings don’t have to be as hard or severe as punishment ones, but they should be intense and long enough to “snap” a sub back into their role.

As for how often they should happen? I think a good rule of thumb is if the sub hasn’t had a spanking in three days then they’re due for one.  You could add a separate section in your journal or task list just to keep track of spankings.

Keep the orgasms coming

Orgasms are wonderful.  They release powerful neurotransmitters and help lower stress.  They also boost your mood and improve the quality of your sleep. These are all things a submissive needs, not just Doms.

Keeping a sub “regulated” can help them have more stable emotions, and in turn, help them to be more obedient as a submissive.  And when a sub is able to help their Dom reach orgasm it makes them feel useful and needed.

How to make it work: Decide together what each partner requires in terms of the frequency of orgasms.  Some people need it only once a week, others need it daily.  Once you’ve figured out each other’s requirement, make sure to put fulfilling that need at the top of your priority list.

Why submissive journaling is essential to maintenance

A journal is a submissive’s safe place to write down whatever they want.  In a life full of control and submission, it can be their only outlet to vent their feelings freely.  Journaling can be very therapeutic, and can help encourage gratitude.

It also gives the Dom a glimpse into their sub’s mind so they can better understand them.  In order for this all to happen though, a sub should always feel safe to write anything in their journal without fear of being punished.

How to make it work:  Just like with spankings and orgasms, journaling needs to be done regularly.  I recommend once a week at the least, but it can be done daily too.  I actually journal every morning and every night.

If the sub doesn’t have time to write a whole page they can be given a simple sentence to finish, like, “Today I feel ___________, because ___________.  If the sub has more time, then the Dom can provide writing prompts.

Want a free Submissive Journal to download? Click the image below!

Submissive journal prompts ideas examples start template BDSM sub Dom Dominant writing

The sub’s health should be a priority

If a submissive is in good health they will be able to perform at their best physically, mentally, emotionally, and sexually. Also, a  sub is property owned by someone else, and as such they are a direct representation of their Dom.  This will cause a sub to take great pride in the health and presentation of their bodies.

However, it is also the Dom’s responsibility to make sure his property is in the best condition possible. Focus should be on what I like to call the “Holy Trinity”: sleep, diet, and exercise. 

How to make it work:  This will take a lot of self-discipline on both of your parts, but it can be accomplished. Here are some tips that have helped my Dom and me:

  • Set an alarm for when you need to get ready for bed, factoring in time for play sessions.
  • Set another alarm for when you need to be in bed, going to sleep.
  • Don’t use any electronic screens for an hour before bed.
  • Plan your meals the day before and stick to a calorie limit.
  • Focus on eating vegetables, fruits, whole grains, beans, and nuts
  • Drink lots of water, at least 10 cups a day.
  • Schedule your workouts for the whole week.
  • Try to exercise in the morning rather than the evening so you’re more likely to stick to it.

It will take a lot of trial and error, but just continue to make adjustments.  Don’t give up!

A Dom shouldn’t focus just on punishments

Just as with a child, a sub may get discouraged if they’re only told what they did wrong. While discipline and punishments are huge in a BDSM relationship, rewards are very important too.  Rewards help reinforce good behavior.  They also let the sub know they are pleasing their Dom and that they are a “good girl”, or “good boy”.

Even psychology agrees with this. Humans usually cannot create a new behavior or habit through just punishments. Punishments tend to work better for stopping or preventing certain behaviors. Psychologists agree that forming new behaviors and habits require positive reinforcement and rewards.

How to make it work:  A Dom should commend their sub for at least one thing everyday.  When the sub has been especially good the Dom can give them a reward, big or small, depending on the behavior. Some ideas for rewards include:

  • A massage or pedicure
  • Extra time on the internet
  • A special food treat
  • Extra snuggle time
  • Being allowed to make certain choices, like where to go out for dinner
  • A new stuffie
  • Getting to sleep in an extra hour

Maintaining submission may be difficult as time passes in a relationship, but it’s not impossible.  In fact if you apply the strategies I mentioned in this article it can become quite easy.  So make spankings, orgasms, and journaling a regular part of your lifestyle, and focus more on health and rewarding good behavior, and you will master sub maintainence too. 🖤

Submissive journal prompts ideas examples start template BDSM sub Dom Dominant writing

Keep reading:  Create better play sessions »

What challenges have you faced with sub maintenance or spankings?  Let me know in the comments.

23 thoughts on “Exactly How to Master Sub Maintenance”

  1. Alright, so this definitely makes me see BDSM from different eyes. I’ve always been so scared that it would just be the constant punishing and pain-infliction onto the sub, when really it’s just giving them control to take care of them. It’s like taking care of a pet, nurturing them so they know they are loved while also disciplining them. I do want to be taken care of if I’m going to be a full-fledged sub, and I should be aware of what my dom is doing to do that.

  2. “Quite a few times I’ve made my Dom mad enough to make him spank me so long and hard that I’ve bawled into my pillow.”
    You’ve made your Dom mad, that’s going to happen, maybe on purpose.
    I’m concerned as you don’t specify, does he spank you in anger?
    That’s fine if that’s part of your dynamic and you’ve consented to it, but if not, that’s not domination, that’s abuse.

  3. This is powerful information and good advice. I would would like to delve deeper into the specifics of exercise….I suggest calming, strengthening exercises such as yoga & pilates. This centers me and focuses me so that when we do Shibari, I have the peace & the patience to honor the meditative nature of the practice and therefore bring honor to both my Dom and myself. Just a suggestion.

    It furthermore builds lean muscle and helps you move more gracefully in animations from position to position. It also aids you when you are awkwardly bound or restrained!

  4. This is timely advice. My sub and I are in a long-distance relationship (6+ years) and we recently hit a rough patch. THIS is exactly what the problem is. Thank you!

  5. Thank you for the information Alesandra. My sub and I, are diligent aout tune up spankings every other day, and we cant wait to integrate the meditation into our rituals. We greatly appreciate you sharing your experiences with us, the wisdom is priceless

  6. My Mistress and i do have a spanking rule in our contract and it works for us because i really enjoy a good spanking and because i enjoy spankings so much my Mistress does not use them as punishment. I do keep a journal and i journal sometimes daily other times once a week it all depends on what i am going through at the time. Having a journal allows my Mistress to know what it happening in my life and gives Her insight to what i may need during a session.

  7. I have been a Dom all my life. I am now in love with a woman who has changed all that. For the FIRST TIME EVER, I am actually interested in and have expressed an interest in submitting; more correctly, switching. Her idea. OMGs what a turn-on!

  8. This blog was so very helpful. I have been back in the Ls for a little over a year now and have had the honor in serving my Sir for the same time. Along with these great helps we also incorporate little assignments to complete for example I may get a text from Sir that instructs me to wear my plug until further notice or he will send me a gif that he wants me to copy. the little things like that remind me of whom I belong to and serve and also help me feel the special connection that my Sir and I have when we don’t see each other everyday.
    I love all the advice and insight you provide.. Thank you!!

  9. My wife is an alcoholic 6 months ago I was considering a divorce after reading articles that I found of yours on read it My beautiful wife and I decided to give it a try we have been married 20 years We have been swinging for 21 That is how we met after my wife’s parents died she was lossed and turn to alcohol this lifestyle has saved our marriage And my life As it has always been wrapped around her I used to pick a fight with her every 2 months or so about something I did not care about just so she would vent and release before we discovered BDS M Your article on maintenance is fantastic and I am going to start this tonightI’ve noticed when she feels mentally low she needs and once to be daddy’s subBut when she’s feeling strong and dominant she does not so the maintenance program will do wonders for reminding her where she’s at and what she needsThank you

  10. It’s crazy that I happened to come upon this today, as I was just explaining to my Dom how I feel we are both becoming very lazy in our roles. Vanilla life has definitely taken over, and I think it’s causing that both of us internal stress, especially me. I feel like my purpose is lost and I was beginning to resent Him. I sent this article to him and I’m really excited for him to read it and hopefully we can get back on track!!

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