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Are you feeling stuck in your D/s relationship? Trust me, you’re not alone, and it’s not your fault. Life gets busy, routines feel repetitive, and before you know it, that initial spark feels like a distant memory. But guess what? There are actionable steps you can take to get that fire burning bright once again. Today, I’ll walk you through how to reignite the excitement in your D/s dynamic.
IN THIS EPISODE
- Understand the main reasons why many Dom/sub dynamics face a loss of excitement over time.
- Learn actionable steps to bring back the excitement in your D/s relationship.
- Hear about my personal experiences and how my Dom and I overcame challenges to reignite our own spark.
- Find out how to handle issues like lack of partner interest and the awkwardness of initiating conversations.
- Discover practical tips for maintaining excitement.
Understanding the Problem
It’s incredibly common for long-term D/s relationships to lose their spark. Even my Dom and I experienced a phase where we felt more like roommates than Dom/sub partners. Stress from work, health issues, and parenting duties can all get in the way. Sound familiar? Well, it happens to the best of us.
Common Scenarios:
- Dominants feeling overwhelmed and disengaging from their roles.
- Submissives struggling with the repetitiveness of protocols and feeling uninspired.
Why Does This Happen?
There are three main reasons for losing that spark:
- Routine Overload: When protocols become mechanical.
- Lack of Communication: Small frustrations grow until they lead to disconnection.
- External Stressors: Life, work, and parenting responsibilities interfering with the dynamic.
Revisit Your Foundation
One of the first steps to reigniting your spark is to revisit the foundation of your dynamic. Reflect on what brought you together as a Dom and sub in the first place. Why did you embark on this journey?
Personal Example:
Recently, my Dom and I reread our original contract, and it reminded us how ambitious and excited we were at the beginning. We laughed at how much we’ve changed but also felt that original excitement rekindled.
Action Step:
Revisit your contract or agreements. Reflect on your initial ambitions and excitement. This simple exercise can reignite that original spark.
Add Variety to Your Dynamic
Trying new things together can create new pathways in your brain and release those much-needed endorphins. Exploring new kinks or activities can rejuvenate your dynamic.
Practical Tips:
- Change your scene setting. If you usually use your bedroom, try a new room or even outdoors.
- Introduce sensory variations like blindfolds, different textures, or new music.
- Explore that kink you’ve always been curious about but haven’t tried yet.
Deepen Your Communication
Communication is key but doesn’t always sound exciting or sexy. However, it’s crucial for a thriving D/s relationship.
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Tips for Effective Communication:
- Schedule intentional conversations.
- Ask questions like, “How’s our dynamic feeling for you?” or “What’s one thing you’d love to try this week?”
- Discuss scene outcomes by asking, “What did you love most about that scene?”
Addressing Common Objections
Maybe you’re thinking, “What if my partner isn’t interested?” or “What if bringing this up feels awkward?”
Solution for Lack of Interest:
Start small. Focus on reigniting your own excitement first, and it will likely rub off on your partner.
Solution for Awkwardness:
Make it casual. Use casual language and even humor to bring up the topic. For example, say, “Hey, remember when we used to do XYZ? That was so fun.”
Long-Term Strategies to Maintain the Spark
Build Small Daily Rituals:
Simple daily acts like morning affirmations or texting can go a long way. For example, I prepare my Dom’s breakfast the night before and leave a small note. These small acts keep both of us in our respective mindsets.
Invest in Resources:
Engage with community and educational resources. Being part of a community gives you access to new ideas and support. My All-Access Pass provides monthly one-on-one coaching, which has been invaluable for many couples.
Preventing Future Disconnect
Move with Intention:
Regularly revisit your foundations and commitments. It keeps the energy alive.
Maintain Variety:
Always be willing to try new things. It keeps the dynamic fresh and exciting.
Ongoing Communication:
Never stop those open, honest, and intentional conversations. They are the backbone of sustained excitement.
Keep Your D/s Relationship Alive and Well
By following these steps and continually revisiting the essential elements of your dynamic, you can ensure that the excitement in your D/s relationship remains alive and well. Don’t forget to experiment, communicate, and adapt—your relationship will thank you!
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