Chastity and Locktober: Everything You Need to Know (Ep. 106)

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If you’ve spent any time in kink communities, you’ve probably heard whispers about chastity and the annual tradition called Locktober. For many, the idea of chastity play still feels taboo or misunderstood. People usually assume it’s just about sexual denial, frustration, or “men locked in cages for 31 days.” But trust me—there’s much more going on beneath the lock.

After years of teaching hundreds of Doms and subs, I’m here to demystify chastity, Locktober, and the vibrant culture that surrounds them. Keep reading for the real story on why Locktober matters, how to make it fun (not miserable!), common mistakes to avoid, and tips for getting started—whether you’re solo or playing with a partner.

What Is Locktober (and How Did It Start)?

Locktober is an annual chastity challenge that takes over the kink world every October. Submissives of all genders (not just men!) lock themselves in chastity devices for the entire month. It might sound intense, but Locktober actually started as a playful, meme-driven dare in the mid-2010s. Online forums like Fetlife, Reddit, and even TikTok turned it into a viral challenge—with memes and hashtags trending each fall.

So, why did it go mainstream? Partly because the idea of enforced chastity for an entire month is extreme enough to grab attention. But also because it builds on growing trends of kink visibility and open conversations about power exchange online.

But here’s the secret: even though Locktober looks like a test of willpower from the outside, real chastity play is about power, intimacy, surrender, and community—not just going without.

Why Do People Try Chastity (and Locktober)?

You might wonder, “Why would anyone pick this, let alone for a whole month?” For a lot of people and couples, chastity isn’t about what you can’t do. It’s about what you get to experience by surrendering control.

Picture this: instead of instantly satisfying yourself, you’re locked and your partner literally holds the key. Every look, every brush of their hand, every tease becomes amplified. It shifts focus from immediate gratification to deep anticipation.

Here’s what one of my students, Rex, said:
“My favorite thing about chastity is the interaction it leads to between myself and the key holder as we both become closer and learn a little more about one another.”

Others play solo. Jeff, another student, shared:
“My wife isn’t into BDSM, so I put it on until I get tired of it, then I give it a rest.”

In both cases, the focus isn’t denial—it’s about connection, ritual, and exploring sides of yourself or your relationship that might otherwise get overlooked.

How Is Chastity Different from Other No-Release Challenges?

You’ve probably heard of ‘No Nut November’, a meme-y challenge where guys abstain from release. On the surface, it sounds similar to Locktober, but the energies are totally different. No Nut November is about discipline and self-control—often framed as a health or productivity thing. Locktober, on the other hand, is kink-driven. It’s about power, surrender, teasing, and a bit of taboo fun.

Consider Locktober a community-driven chance to step outside regular routines and try something transformational. Not just endurance—but a reimagining of play, connection, and erotic energy.

Getting Ready for Locktober (Or Any Chastity Play)

Don’t just jump into a month-long chastity challenge! Here’s how I encourage my students to prepare:

1. Start Small and Test the Device

Practice wearing a cage or belt for a short time before Locktober. Getting used to the physical feeling (and finding the right size—huge deal!) is key. For quality gear, I always recommend picking up a starter device from Stockroom—steer clear of cheap knockoffs that can cause discomfort.

Check out our affiliate recommendation for the best devices here >>

2. Communicate Your Rules and Desires

Whether you’re with a partner or solo, clarify what you want from the experience. Is it about more teasing? Deeper intimacy? Testing obedience? Share your “why” with your partner and make a plan together.

3. Set Emotional Expectations

Just like you wouldn’t run a marathon without any training, don’t try 31 days of chastity with zero preparation. Agree on boundaries, safewords, and how to handle tough moments.

How Couples (and Solos) Make Chastity Exciting

Chastity doesn’t have to be about suffering. Here’s how many people spice it up:

• Key holder rituals: From elaborate locking ceremonies to daily check-ins or playful messages.
• Tease and denial: Teasing becomes the star of the show. Teasing power, “accidental” brushes, flirty looks—these all gain new meaning.
• Kink tech: Modern apps like Chester and Obedience (affiliate link) let you play with online key holding. Perfect for long-distance couples or solo structure.

Remember: When a key holder is engaged, everything feels more rewarding. If someone’s only doing it out of pressure, the connection fizzles fast.

Mistakes to Avoid with Chastity (And How to Fix Them)

Chastity games can go wrong if you’re not careful. Here are the big pitfalls I see, along with ways to avoid them:

• Wrong device size: It can be painful and discourage you from trying again. Spend some time finding a comfortable fit.
• Lack of communication: Resentment builds up fast when you don’t talk about what’s working and what’s not.
• Forcing a partner: Don’t drag someone into being a key holder against their will—it never works and spoils the fun.
• Treating it as just punishment: Remember that play and joy should be at the center!

The fix? Start small. Choose fun over suffering. Communicate early and often. Lean on community support when needed.

Frequently Asked Questions About Chastity and Locktober

What’s the best chastity device for beginners?
Start simple: lightweight plastic or silicone cages are easy and affordable for first-timers. Treat your first device as “training wheels.” Once you know your size and preferences, you can invest in custom or stainless steel options. Check out our affiliate recommendations for the best online shop to buy from here.

How do I get my partner interested in being a key holder?
Don’t pressure them. Share what excites you about it, and explain what they might enjoy—teasing, control, or playful power. Suggest short-term experiments (like a weekend trial) instead of going all-in for a month right away.

Can I do chastity solo? How do I keep it interesting?
Absolutely! Use apps, dice rolls, or personal rituals to randomize durations and unlocks. Tie unlocking to achievements or tasks. Structure makes solo chastity way more engaging.

Does anyone actually last all 31 days? Yes! But it isn’t a failure if you only last a week or two. The real win is exploring and learning about yourself—not “winning” against others.

What happens after Locktober ends?
For some, November 1 means the end of chastity. For others, Locktober just starts a new kink journey, weaving chastity into regular play. The right approach is whatever fits you and your relationship best.

Unlock Real Connection

Chastity and Locktober are so much more than a challenge of willpower. They’re an invitation to bring playfulness, intimacy, and deeper connection into your kink journey—solo or with a partner.

Ready to dive deeper? Download my free How to Be a Good Sub guide below:

Links From the Episode:

• Free Submissive Cheat Sheet
• Chastity device affiliate recommendations
• Obedience App affiliate recommendation

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