4 Ways to Be a Better Dominant (Ep. 22)


Today, I’ll be unraveling the secrets to becoming a great Dominant. Whether you’re just beginning your journey into BDSM or you’re a seasoned practitioner, these insights will revolutionize your approach and deepen the dynamic with your submissive.


  • Learn about the essential traits that elevate a Dominant and make their submissive crave serving them.
  • Discover practical tips for establishing trust and consent.
  • Understand the importance of ongoing learning in different BDSM practices, safety protocols, and the psychological aspects of power exchange.
  • Learn about the significance of empathy, meditation, therapy, and journaling in strengthening emotional maturity for Dominants.
  • Explore the ways Dominants can incorporate their personal interests and fantasies into their dynamic, keeping it fresh and engaging for both parties.

1. Cultivating Effective Communication

Effective communication lays the foundation for a thriving BDSM dynamic. It builds trust, establishes consent, and helps comprehend your partner’s boundaries. As a Dominant, being an active listener is crucial, and it’s equally important to encourage your submissive to open up and engage in raw dialogue.

One technique I advocate is using “I-messages.” By framing your communication with “I feel this because this happened, and I’d rather this happen,” you make it about your own feelings, fostering better understanding and connection.

Another invaluable tool is journaling. When used in conjunction with agreed-upon rituals and rules, it offers a medium for the Dominant to gain insight into the submissive’s thoughts and emotions. And yes, regular check-ins are essential. Set aside time for the Dominant to encourage open communication, especially when the submissive is struggling.

In my own dynamic, my Dominant employs creative ways, such as inviting me to share my thoughts through my stuffed animal during my little space moments. This unconventional approach allows me to communicate my emotions in a safe and comfortable manner.

Scene negotiation and aftercare communication also play a vital role. Before a scene, ensure thorough discussions on goals, limits, and desires. Post-scene, extend aftercare beyond the immediate moment. Continuously fostering open lines of communication is essential for nurturing a healthy D/s relationship.

2. Continuous Education and Learning as a Dom

Dominance is an evolving journey that demands perpetual learning. With relentless enthusiasm and curiosity, every Dominant should strive to expand their knowledge and skills. Be it different BDSM practices, safety protocols, or psychological aspects of power exchange, staying updated is vital.

Offline avenues, such as attending BDSM events and engaging with different community groups, provide a hands-on learning experience. On the virtual front, online workshops, courses, and virtual events, including the Dom/sub Dynamic Summit, offer an array of resources for continuous education.

Learning from varied perspectives and continuously enriching one’s knowledge ensures growth and competence in the realm of Dominance.

How to be a good Dom quick-start guide

3. Emotional Intelligence – Understanding Your Submissive’s Needs

Empathy is the cornerstone of a responsible and effective Dominant. Understanding the needs, wants, and limits of your submissive breeds a stronger D/s bond. Before attempting to manage your submissive’s emotions, recognizing and managing your own is paramount.

One successful approach to achieving this is mindfulness and meditation. Allocating time for self-reflection and understanding your emotions is key to enhancing empathy and emotional intelligence.

Therapy and journaling are powerful tools for Dominants. Engaging in therapy aids in comprehending and managing emotions, leading to better emotional maturity. Meanwhile, journaling allows Dominants to process their feelings and challenges, promoting emotional growth and self-awareness.

Lastly, let’s never forget the importance of respecting the humanity of our submissives. Playing mind games or toying with emotions isn’t just damaging but also goes against the essence of consensual BDSM.

4. Cultivating Creativity for Personal and Shared Growth

Elevating your Dominance game involves delving into your personal desires and passions while ensuring your submissive is equally part of the creative process. It isn’t just about exerting control but also investing time and energy in personal growth and exploration. It’s about having fun and creating an ever-evolving dynamic that keeps both the Dominant and submissive engaged and excited.

By infusing your own interests and fantasies into your D/s dynamic, you create an enriching and consensual experience for both partners. Whether it’s designing scenes, punishments, rewards, or rituals, involving your creative flair adds depth and excitement to the dynamic.

Delving into activities that align with your personal likes and hobbies can inject vibrancy into your scenes, keeping the dynamic fresh and engaging.

How to be a Good Dom Quick Start Guide

If you’re looking to enhance your Dominance or help your partner improve, I’ve created a free “How to be a Good Dom Quick Start Guide” that you can download. This resource includes a comprehensive list of tips to support your journey as a Dominant and offers valuable insights into what makes a good Dom.

As you embark on this journey, let these pillars guide your approach, allowing you to establish a deeper, more meaningful D/s bond with your partner. Remember, the essence of BDSM lies in mutual trust, respect, and growth—a journey that both Dominants and submissives embark on together.

Links From the Episode:

How to be a good Dom quick-start guide

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