(Free Printable Checklist!)
When you’re engaging in the kink lifestyle, it’s important to have a BDSM checklist. You probably already have a basic BDSM kink list that you found when you first began your journey. However, you need to have one that is reputable and comprehensible. A good kink checklist will also help you discover your BDSM limits over time. But how do you actually use one? I’ll be covering all of that here, plus we’ll go over some of the most common kinks. I’ll even share my free checklist that you can download below.
What exactly is a BDSM checklist?
A BDSM kink checklist is a list of desires, activities or behaviors that are associated with BDSM. It is used as a way for individuals to explore their own interests and boundaries, and to communicate them to others who may be involved in BDSM play or relationships.
When my Dom and I first began our journey as a Dom/sub couple, a checklist was a great way to talk about subjects that seemed embarrassing at first. Not only did it make communication less awkward, but comparing lists also was a huge turn on. Needless to say, discussing our kinks and BDSM limits was a great way to segue into an intense scene.
Why you really need a BDSM kink list
The three main reasons why you need a BDSM kink list are:
- Explore your own kinks and limits
- Communicate those with any partners
- Ensure that you engage in BDSM safely, sanely, and consensually
As they say, you don’t know what you don’t know. So having a BDSM list of new kinks can really open your mind to fun possibilities that you may want to explore. For example, I didn’t know about consensual non-consent until we had read about it in our checklist.
You also need a BDSM checklist because it’s important to discuss any activities or behaviors with a partner before engaging in them. Think about it like reading the instruction manual before building a piece of furniture. A scene will go much smoother if you know your partner’s boundaries and desires. Not only that, but it will be much safer too, since you will have communicated your expectations and limits.
Do you need a BDSM kink list if you are experienced or advanced?
This is a question I get asked a lot, and my answer is: You especially need a downloadable checklist if you’re experienced or advanced. This may come as a surprise to you but as long as humans are having sex and engaging in BDSM, new kinks are always going to be discovered.
It’s a good idea to stay on top of the trends and lingos especially if you’re meeting new play partners or going to events and clubs. You don’t want to look like a newbie when someone uses a term that you don’t know.
Experienced and advanced Doms and subs also want to use a checklist so they don’t end up getting stuck in a rut. We tend to be creatures of habit so we don’t want to slip into vanilla tendencies and keep doing the same scenes over and over. One thing my Dom likes to do is go over our list from time to time and make sure we do each item we’ve agreed upon at least once every few months. It keeps things new and exciting.
Click the image below to download yours now for free:
Things to avoid when sharing your BDSM kink checklist with others
Once you have a list of all of your kinks and BDSM limits, who should you share it with? The obvious answer is your current partner (if you don’t have a partner yet, you can check out this article). Even if your partner is vanilla, sharing your new list can be a great icebreaker to exploring kink together. This is a great opportunity to ask them what they enjoy or are curious about, and what things they don’t like as well.
You’ll also want to share it with any one else you play with too. This can be regular or casual play partners, or even people you meet at different groups to see if you’re compatible. Comparing lists is also a fun activity. And if you go to a club or dungeon, it’s good to be prepared beforehand to express what you will and won’t do with other people.
Even though you’re probably excited to share your checklist with current or potential partners, you want to avoid any “kink shaming”. There is a saying in the BDSM community that, ‘Your kink isn’t my kink and that’s ok’. This means that we don’t have to personally like or engage in all kinks, but we should be respectful if someone likes an activity that turns us off (unless it is something illegal).
Common kinks and BDSM limits
Kinks are any activities or desires that are outside the “vanilla” norm. Just as there is a wide range of people, there is a wide range of kinks. Obviously there are infinite kinks, but here are the most common:
BDSM limits are boundaries of things you don’t like or won’t do. You can also use a BDSM contract to negotiate what you will or won’t do. Limits can be hard or soft, but some examples of common limits include:
- Bodily fluids
- Fire play
- Breath play
- Permanent marks
In addition to being aware of your own limits, is a vital that you also respect the limits of those you play with, in order that everything remains consensual. That is why it is so important to have this discussion with your partner beforehand.
My real-life checklist of kinks, limits, and more
Over the years of being in a 24/7, Total Power Exchange relationship with my Dom, we have created our own checklist that we now use with our students and clients. Feel free to download it and print it out, and even send it to your partner as well. If you don’t know what any of the terms in it mean, you can find them by using the search feature in the top menu on this site.
My biggest takeaway I hope you get from this article is that a BDSM checklist can be an essential tool to help you discuss any activities or behaviors with a partner before engaging in them. But it should also be fun! So download your free checklist below, and start learning and exploring your new kinks and limits today.
Click the image below to download yours now for free:
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