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As a BDSM educator, I often hear from couples who want to maintain their Dom/sub connection in public without drawing attention. I get it – you want to keep that spark alive, but you don’t want others to notice. Today, I’m sharing ten subtle yet meaningful ways to engage in your dynamic while out in public.
IN THIS EPISODE
- Discover 10 discreet ways to maintain your Dom/sub dynamic in public settings.
- Learn subtle techniques for communication and connection without drawing attention.
- Explore creative ideas for incorporating D/s elements into everyday activities.
- Understand how to balance your BDSM lifestyle with respect for others in public spaces.
- Get insider tips on making your dynamic more exciting, even in vanilla environments.
Why Bring Your Dom/sub Dynamic into Public Spaces?
For many of us, D/s isn’t just something we keep behind closed doors. My Dom and I practice 24/7, so our roles are part of who we are, even in public. However, we always prioritize consent and respect for those around us, especially in spaces where children might be present. It’s about finding that balance between expressing our dynamic and being mindful of our surroundings.
1. Secret Hand Signals
One of the most discreet ways to communicate in public is through hand signals. My Dom and I use subtle hand squeezes when we’re holding hands. Different patterns mean different things – some kinky, some sweet. It looks completely normal to others, but for us, it’s a secret language.
2. Wearing Something Special Under Your Clothes
What you wear (or don’t wear) can be a powerful reminder of your role. Some ideas include:
- Plugs (some are even remote-controlled)
- Clamps
- Shibari rope harnesses
- Chastity devices
- Ben wa balls
- Writing on your body with Sharpie pen
Going commando is another option. Sometimes at parties, my Dom will whisper for me to remove my panties and give them to him. It’s our little secret as he walks around with them in his pocket.
3. Code Words in Conversation
Using specific words or phrases that have special meaning to you both can keep your dynamic alive in any conversation. I often use “Daddy” since my Dom is the father of our children, so it doesn’t raise any eyebrows.
4. Special Jewelry
Wearing jewelry that is significant to your dynamic is a great way to keep it present. I wear my collar, which most people just see as a nice necklace. Other options include bracelets, anklets, rings, or even keychains.
5. Mealtime Rituals
Incorporating D/s into mealtimes can be done subtly, even in public settings. Some ideas:
- The Dom orders for the sub at restaurants
- The sub serves the Dom’s food at gatherings
- The sub waits for the Dom to start eating before beginning their meal
In our dynamic, I don’t eat until my Dom starts, as a sign of respect.
6. Body Positioning and Movements
How you position yourselves in public can reinforce your roles:
- The sub walks on the inside of the sidewalk for safety
- The Dom always holds the sub’s hand
- The sub walks slightly behind the Dom
- At gatherings, the sub sits on the floor while the Dom takes a chair
In our dynamic, I’m not allowed to open doors when my Dom is around – he does it for me, even pushing elevator buttons.
7. Texting
Sending discreet texts throughout the day can maintain your connection. It doesn’t have to be elaborate – even a quick “good girl” or “remember your role” can be powerful. My Dom sometimes tells me to go to the bathroom and send him a kinky picture during gatherings.
8. Gestures and Looks
Subtle physical cues can communicate volumes:
- A quick pinch under the table
- The Dom’s hand on the back of the sub’s neck
- A raised eyebrow or meaningful look
These small actions speak loudly to you both while going unnoticed by others.
9. Choosing the Sub’s Outfit
Having the Dom decide what the sub wears, including hair and makeup, is a great way to reinforce the dynamic. When we’re going out, my Dom often chooses my outfit or undergarments (or lack thereof). It’s a reminder of his control that stays with me all night.
10. The Tally Game
This is my favorite method because it turns maintaining your dynamic into a fun game. Similar to a drinking game, you keep a tally of “misbehaviors” throughout the event. For example, every time I put my elbow on the table at a dinner party, that’s one spanking when we get home. You can choose any small action to track, making the whole event more exciting as you anticipate what’s to come later.
Keep Your Dynamic Alive Anywhere
These ten ideas offer ways to stay connected and keep your dynamic alive and kinky no matter where you are. Remember, the key is to be subtle and respectful of those around you while still maintaining that special connection between you and your partner.
For a free list of 20+ protocol ideas, click the image below:
Links From the Episode:
- Free list of 20 BDSM protocol ideas
- Eternity Collar (affiliate link)
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