Tag Archives: Guide

7 Rules for a Long-Distance Relationship- FREE WORKSHEET

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Long-Distance relationships are hard, but especially for those that are Dom/sub.  It can be difficult to keep the dynamic going when you’re apart and problems and issues arise. There’s also a lot of bad advice and tips on the internet.  But even if you’re apart for just a day, or if circumstances make it so you’re separated for months, a long-distance D/s relationship can still succeed.  Both the Dominant and submissive have to work at it though. So here are some ideas for rules to keep in mind, and don’t forget to download your free worksheet here.

1.  Avoid long-distance relationship problems when using technology

Technology can be a lifesaver in a long-distance relationship.  Texting especially can be easy and convenient, but after a while you may find it gets boring.  Don’t neglect all the other kinky ways you can enjoy technology.  Get creative and think outside the box, and soon you’ll begin to feel much closer.  Here are some ideas:

  • Use FaceTime, Skype, or Zoom- There’s so many possibilities with this one.  You could have a meal together, have phone sex, play games, or even have a virtual play session.  Just prop up your phone or iPad in the room, and have the Dominant give the submissive instructions.
  • Watch a BDSM movie together (“Secretary” is my favorite)- You can each set it up on your own TV or iPad and press play at the same time.
  • Use an online journal- This is a must whether you’re long-distance or not.  A sub should have a journal they can write freely in, and the Dom should have access to it at all times.

2.  Overcome commitment issues as a Dominant or submissive

Some people get stuck in a long-distance relationship because they feel obligated to stay for one reason or another.  Be honest with your partner about what you want out of the relationship, but more importantly, be honest with yourself.

Do you really want to be in a long-distance relationship when you could be meeting other people?  If the answer is ‘yes’, then stop playing games, and work on building trust together.  Here are some other tips to prevent problems and issues from arising:

  • Be patient- Even if you were physically together before things became long-distance, the new situation will take time for both of you to become comfortable.
  • Have real-life interactions- Show your commitment by making and keeping plans to meet face-to-face.
  • Make a contract together- A contract helps both a Dom and a sub to clearly know what their roles are in the relationship, and what’s expected of them.
  • Complete the free worksheet- It’s an easy way to see where you both stand.  Download the worksheet here. 

3.  Create a detailed Dom/sub schedule

Having set tasks to do everyday is the perfect way to make a submissive not feel so lonely.  An assigned list keeps the Dominant in control of their partner, even when issues come up and they can’t be there physically.

A schedule also keeps the sub focused, because they don’t have to get overwhelmed with making choices or dealing with other problems. Here are some ideas for a schedule:

  • Set wake up and go to bed times
  • Meal times
  • Time blocks for journaling or kneeling
  • “Little Space” activities like coloring or watching cartoons
  • A certain BDSM topic to research each day
  • A set exercise schedule

It’s also important to schedule in aftercare for the submissive to prevent “subdrop”. Many of my aftercare tips here work virtually, or the Dom can instruct the sub to perform each task.

4.  Use gifts and games to keep things new and exciting

Everyone loves receiving gifts. When a Dominant gives their submissive a gift it reassures them of their affection and approval.  Littles especially need to receive gifts regularly, but Doms like getting presents too. Here are some ideas:

  • A collar
  • Stuffie or blanket to comfort the sub when the Dom is away
  • Matching rings or other jewelry
  • Kinky toys to use when you’re together

Games are another fun way to keep a Dom and sub connected.  You can play games over the phone or text, and they are a great way to get to know each other better. Two of my favorite games are “Would You Rather” and “2 Truths and a Lie.”  Keep it kinky and you’re sure to have a lot of fun.

5.  Get creative with rules and punishment ideas

Just because you’re apart doesn’t mean that a disobedient sub can’t be punished or be given rules.  Of course, a traditional spanking by the Dominant may be out of the question, but there are so many different ways to discipline a submissive from a distance.  Here are some ideas for rules and punishments:

Rules:

  • Not being able to eat junk food and having to text all their meals.
  • Letting the Dom choose the sub’s clothes or undergarments for the day.
  • Texting when you go out with friends, and when you come home.

Punishments:

  • Taking a cold shower for 1 or 2 minutes and having to videotape themselves.
  • Snapping a rubber band on their wrist a certain number of times.
  • Wearing nipple clamps and texting a picture as proof.
  • Having to write the same sentence 50 times and mailing it to the Dom.

Want a master list of over 30 punishment ideas? Click here!

6.  Take an online BDSM course together for step-by-step tips

Online courses are great for long-distance couples because they get you communicating and experimenting together, even while you’re apart. An online training program will help you deal with the issues and problems of a long-distance relationship.

You’ll have a detailed, step-by-step plan to have a better, more satisfying connection, and to take your BDSM relationship to the next level.  An eCourse is a great way for both of you to have an online mentor and coach, giving you reliable advice and tips to help you every step of the way. (They also make a great surprise gift!)

7.  Set an end date for your long-distance D/s relationship

Even if you’re having fun and enjoying your long-distance D/s relationship, it needs to end at some point.  Hopefully this means that whatever situation is keeping you apart will be resolved and you can physically be together permanently. 

Setting a date for this to happen will help both of you to endure the hard times, prevent problems and issues, and give you something to look forward to.  So set an end date together, and work hard to make it happen. The free worksheet below can make this easier.

**Need more personalized advice for your specific LDR? Click here!

Remember, a long-distance D/s relationship isn’t easy, but so is anything worth fighting for. Follow the rules and tips here and in the worksheet and you’re sure to have success. If you can trust, respect, and support each other when you’re apart, imagine how powerful your bond will be once you’re together.  🖤

Want a FREE Long-Distance D/s Relationship Worksheet with extra tips? Click here »

What advice would you give someone in a long-distance D/s relationship?  Let me know in the comments.

Keep reading:  How to Master Maintenance »

Total Power Exchange Relationships: Ultimate Guide

When I was a beginner submissive, I was eager to make my new BDSM lifestyle a 24/7 agreement.  My Dominant and I had a contract, but I wanted to be a full-time slave, unable to ever be released.  We read online about Total Power Exchange relationships and we knew this was our ultimate goal.  I can proudly say we are now TPE. It has brought so much more meaning to our roles as Dom and sub. But making the switch wasn’t easy.  This guide will help you to not make the same mistakes we did. You’ll also see some examples of how to make it work.

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What is the real meaning of Total Power Exchange?

On the outside, a Total Power Exchange relationship can look like abuse. Sadly, a lot of subs can confuse the two.  TPE is not abuse.  Simply put, it’s an exchange where all authority is passed from the submissive to the Dominant.  It’s a consensual relationship where the Dom has absolute control, and can exercise that control however they see fit.  If you are unsure whether or not your relationship is TPE or abuse, let your instincts be your guide.  The goal should be for both partners to feel more fulfilled and taken care of.  And no matter what anyone says, the sub always has the right to get out of an abusive relationship.

Who is a TPE agreement good for?

Even though Total Power Exchange might look abusive to vanillas, it can bring incredible meaning and happiness to a Dom/sub couple.  I don’t recommend entering a TPE relationship unless you’ve known the person for a very long time, and you 100%, completely trust them.  This goes for both the Dom and the sub.  The Dominant should already be showing they respect their sub, and uphold the “safe, sane, consensual” principles of BDSM.  And the submissive should be mentally stable, and not using TPE as an excuse to be made weak.  After all, the sub can still make some of their own decisions and choices, if the Dom allows them to.

Can online relationships be TPE?

Online relationships most definitely can be Total Power Exchange, but to a degree.  Even though the sub gives up all their power, it will be hard for the Dom to exercise complete control over their sub’s life from a distance.  In these kinds of relationships, TPE will be more of a mindset, and the Dom will have to be extra diligent in finding ways to incorporate it into their lives.

You can check out my guide for online and long-distance relationships here to give you some ideas.

Examples of Total Power Exchange

Although a Total Power Exchange relationship can be any form of Dom/sub, like DD/lg, Owner/pet, or Boss/secretary, it is most likely a Master/slave agreement.  Just like in real life a Master has complete and total control over a slave, so it also is in TPE.  Here are some examples of what it can look like in BDSM:

  • Controlling the slave’s finances and career
  • Choosing the slave’s clothing, diet, and other aspects of day to day life
  • Establishing and enforcing non-negotiable rules and protocols
  • Using the slave whenever and however sexually

(Feel free to share your favorite examples of TPE in the comments below.)

Do you still need a contract?

Since the meaning of Total Power Exchange is that nothing prohibits the Dom from having all control, a contract might seem contradictory.  I don’t think that’s completely the case though.  A contract can lay out the fact that the relationship is a TPE agreement, and list the expectations and requirements of the sub still.  However since there usually aren’t safewords or hard and soft limits in TPE, these probably won’t be covered in the contract.

You can read my guide on contracts here for more examples of what you can include.

Even though a Total Power Exchange can be the ultimate goal for those who practice BDSM, it should never be rushed into.  If you wish to enter this type of arrangement, make sure you fully understand first the true meaning of it, and what is involved.  I don’t regret for one second entering a TPE relationship with my Dom, and I hope it can be successful for you too.

What challenges have you faced with Total Power Exchange? Let me know in the comments.

Keep reading:  How to make it work as a ‘Switch’

A Beginner’s Guide to BDSM and Dom/sub

Many people who are curious about BDSM want to know the quickest way to get started. When you’re just a beginner, it can be really frustrating to try and figure out what a Dominant or submissive is all about.  If you don’t get started the right way, you’re going to waste a lot of time and effort as you try to create a Dom/sub lifestyle.  But dominance and submission is just one aspect of BDSM.  What’s the best way to quickly start putting it all into practice? This guide covers everything you need to know.  Enjoy!

*If you want to help your partner be more dominant, submissive, or kinky, be sure to check out my new workshop.*

Beginner Guide Bdsm Dom Sub Dominant Submissive Submission

BDSM is an acronym for bondage and discipline (B&D), dominance and submission (D&S), and sadism and masochism (S&M)

B- Bondage

Bondage is one of the fundamental aspects of a Dominant/submissive relationship.  It may seem like just a kinky fetish, but real sexual gratification comes from bondage. The pleasure is derived from rendering the restrained person vulnerable to a variety of sex acts.

Read more:  8 Ways to Enjoy Bondage (Click here)

D- Discipline

Every Dominant/submissive relationship has to have discipline and punishments. After all, no sub is perfect.  Correction is needed from time to time when they break the rules.  Doms need to know how to punish effectively though, because subs can feel neglected when it isn’t done in the proper way.

Read more:  How to Punish a Sub Effectively (Click here)

D- Dominance (Dom)

In the BDSM world, “Dominant” is a word that’s thrown around a lot.  Being a Dom can seem very appealing.  Most are men who want to be more dominant in bed, but also in their relationships, and even in life in general.  But unfortunately, there are a lot of fake doms out there who are not worthy of submission.  Therefore, make sure you know what it truly means to be a real Dom.

Read more:  The Ultimate Guide to Being a Dominant (Click here)

S- Submission (Sub)

Serving a Dominant is a very fulfilling lifestyle.  However, many submissive beginners are lost.  They don’t know what the role entails.  Many times they are just looking for someone to fix them, to make them feel more complete.  In all honesty though, being a sub is a lot of work, mentally, emotionally, and sexually.  Make sure you know what it truly means to be a good sub.

Read more:  The Ultimate Guide to Being a Submissive (Click here)

S- Sadism

Sadism involves getting pleasure form inflicting pain, suffering, or humiliation on someone else.  When practicing sadism, always keep and respect the three principles of SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual).  This is what separates BDSM from criminal abuse or neurotic, psychopathic behavior.  Have fun, but make sure to always play responsibly.

Read more:  The Ultimate Guide to a Safe BDSM Lifestyle (Click here)

M- Masochism

Even if you enjoy receiving pain or being humiliated, it has to be done with a sound mind.  One of the best ways to make sure you’re not just engaging in self-destructive behavior is to set limits. Even if you don’t have a BDSM partner yet, it’s good to have your boundaries clear in mind so you’ll be prepared when you’re ready to start playing.

Read more: Limits: Learn What’s Hard and Soft (Click here)


Now that we’ve gone over everything the BDSM acronym stands for, you may now be wondering, How do I get started in the lifestyle?

Check out: How to Go from Vanilla to BDSM and kink (Click here)

If you’re totally ready to start playing now, but you don’t have a partner yet, no problem!

Check out: Exactly What to Do When You Don’t Have a Partner (Click here)

Lastly, if you’re a beginner and want to really become a satisfied full-time Dom or sub, make sure you subscribe to my FREE newsletter to get access to exclusive content I don’t share here on the blog.  Click here to sign up for the free newsletter

Being a beginner is an exciting time on your BDSM journey.  Remember, you shouldn’t compare where you are and where someone else is in practicing the lifestyle.  Be proud of yourself for being a beginner and continue to use this guide and educate yourself as much as you can.  In time, you’ll be an experienced Dom or sub, and will be able to help other beginners on their journey as well. 🖤

If you could tell beginners one thing about being in the BDSM community what would it be?  Let me know in the comments below.

Keep reading:  Newbie myths you need to stop believing >>