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If you’re feeling unsure or overwhelmed about finding a trustworthy Dominant, you’re not alone. The fear of encountering someone who doesn’t respect your boundaries is valid and can hold you back from fully exploring your BDSM journey. But don’t worry, I’m here to help. In this post, we’ll dive into the essential questions you need to ask and the red flags to watch out for, ensuring your safety and peace of mind.
IN THIS EPISODE
- Discussing how to spot red flags in potential Dominants.
- Sharing the key questions you must ask to vet a Dom.
- Sharing why vetting is crucial for your safety.
- Giving practical safety tips for meeting a new Dominant.
- Sharing real-life stories that highlight the importance of vetting.
Why Vetting is Crucial in BDSM
I feel like many people miss the step of vetting when they first dive into the BDSM lifestyle. They’re so excited, often overcome by what we call “subfrenzy,” that they skip this important process. Trust me, vetting a Dominant is crucial for your safety and well-being. A trustworthy Dominant respects your boundaries, communicates openly, and always prioritizes consent.
I’ve had my own unfortunate experiences, even as a professional educator. I once collaborated with a well-known BDSM educator who, on the surface, seemed like a great Dom. But after interacting with him and hearing others’ stories, I realized he didn’t align with my values of safety and consent. That experience taught me the importance of thorough vetting.
Key Questions to Ask a Potential Dom
1. Background and Experience
- How long have they been involved in the BDSM community?
- What types of dynamics have they experienced?
- For new Doms, ask about their experiences in past vanilla relationships or BDSM education.
2. Communication Style and Boundaries
- How do they handle discussions about limits and consent?
- Are they open and transparent about these topics?
3. Consent and Safety Protocol
4. Aftercare
- What is their approach to aftercare?
- How do they provide support after a scene?
5. Dynamics and Roles
- Are they interested in a Master/slave relationship, a Caregiver/little dynamic, or something else?
- Are they looking for a long-term relationship or casual play?
Red Flags to Watch Out For
Knowing the warning signs can save you from an unsafe or unethical Dominant. Here are some red flags to watch out for:
1. Disregard for Consent
If a Dominant dismisses or downplays the importance of consent, this is a huge red flag. Consent is the cornerstone of any healthy BDSM relationship.
2. Poor Communication
Avoid Dominants who are evasive about discussing boundaries or their intentions. Clear communication is critical.
3. Rushing the Relationship
A good Dominant will respect your pace. If someone pushes you to move faster than you’re comfortable with, it’s a red flag.
4. Inconsistent or Dishonest Behavior
Inconsistencies or lies are serious concerns that can worsen over time.
5. Negative Reputation
Pay attention to their reputation within the community or among friends and family. Previous negative experiences from others can be valuable warnings.
Practical Safety Tips
When meeting a potential Dominant, your safety should always come first. Here are some practical tips to ensure your well-being:
1. Meet in Public
Always meet in a public place for the first few times. This ensures you’re in a safe environment.
2. Set Up a Safe Call
Inform a trusted friend where you are and set check-in times with them.
3. Trust Your Instincts
If something feels off, trust that feeling. Your safety is more important than politeness.
Fake Dom Quiz
For a fun and quick tool, I have a fun, Fake Dom Quiz you can take. It’s not a scientific test, but it can provide some insight if you’re vetting a Dom or want to see how you measure up as a Dom.
Click the image below to take the quiz:
Trust Your Instincts
Vetting a Dominant is all about ensuring your safety and finding someone who respects and values you. Take your time, ask the right questions, and trust your instincts. If you found this post helpful, subscribe to our newsletter for more tips and advice on navigating your BDSM journey.
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