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Are trust issues creating tension in your Dom/sub relationship? Trust is the foundation of any strong D/s dynamic, and without it, everything can start to fall apart. I’ve been a professional BDSM coach and mentor for about six years now, and I’ve helped many couples strengthen their D/s relationships through trust-building techniques.
In this post, I’ll share key principles to help you strengthen trust in your relationship and create a more fulfilling dynamic.
IN THIS EPISODE
- Discover why trust is vital in Dom/sub relationships.
- Learn how to communicate openly to build or rebuild trust.
- Explore the importance of consistency and reliability for trust.
- Learn ways to be transparent and vulnerable with your partner.
- The role mutual respect plays in strengthening trust.
Why Trust is Crucial in BDSM
Trust in BDSM goes way deeper than the kind of trust you might experience in everyday situations, like believing your boss or a politician. In the context of BDSM, trust is all about feeling safe, respected, and valued in the relationship. This trust needs to go both ways though—it’s not just the Dom who has to build trust, submissives have to build it too.
For a submissive, trust means feeling secure and being able to be vulnerable. For a Dominant, it means knowing their leadership is respected and followed. In the beginning of my journey, I was extremely nervous about sharing my kinks, especially DDlg. I was afraid my Dom would judge me or see me as some kind of freak.
Building Trust: Key Principles
Communication
Open and honest communication is the cornerstone of building trust. You need to be upfront about your needs, boundaries, and expectations. Regular check-ins can help you maintain those open lines of communication.
My Dom and I have daily check-ins and a weekly review to discuss our dynamic, address concerns, and re-affirm our commitment to each other. If you’re an All-Access Pass member, we have templates for daily and weekly check-ins available.
Consistency
Being consistent in your actions, decisions, and speech goes a long way in building trust. If you say you’re going to do something, follow through with it. For example, if a Dom tells their sub that they want to have a scene over the weekend, they must follow through to build trust. Consistency also means acknowledging mistakes instead of brushing them under the rug.
Transparency
Being transparent and open is especially important if trust has been broken. It’s better to overshare rather than keep things to yourself. This transparency involves discussing what you’re thinking, feeling, and doing. It prevents misunderstandings and shows your partner that you trust them enough to be vulnerable.
Mutual Respect
Mutual respect is the foundation for building trust. Respect means valuing your partner’s comfort and consent. Even in a Dom/sub relationship where there is a power exchange dynamic, mutual respect should be present. Using honorifics, having respectful communication, and following rituals are small ways to show this respect.
Accountability
Accountability helps maintain consistency. For example, in our All-Access Pass, we have monthly accountability reviews where members fill out a form about how their past month went and what their plans are for the next. This helps keep everyone on track and aligned with their goals.
What to Do When Trust is Broken
Rebuilding trust takes time. You need to be patient and keep building a track record of reliability. Open and honest communication is key here. Discuss openly what led to the breaking of trust and what steps will be taken to rebuild it. One of the best ways to rebuild trust is to be as transparent and consistent as possible.
Journaling as a Tool for Trust Building
Journaling can be a great way for submissives to be vulnerable and share their thoughts and feelings with their Doms. In our dynamic, I journal every day and sometimes my Dom gives me specific prompts to write about. My journal is shared with him because we’ve consented to that level of transparency.
If you’re interested in starting a submissive journal, you can download free journal prompts here.
Maintaining Trust in a D/S Relationship
Once trust is built, maintaining it is equally important. Regular check-ins, consistent actions, and mutual respect are ongoing practices. Make sure to discuss your relationship openly and address any concerns promptly.
Regular Check-ins
Regular check-ins are essential to maintaining open communication. Put these check-ins on your calendar to ensure they happen regularly. For us, nightly check-ins were crucial when we transitioned to a 24/7 dynamic, and now we have weekly check-ins.
Validation and Respect
Small acts like using honorifics, maintaining rituals, and respectful communication contribute significantly to maintaining trust. Even when I’m upset or feeling bratty, I make an effort to use honorifics to show respect.
Using “I” Messages
Using “I” messages instead of “you” statements can help in maintaining respectful communication. For example, saying “I feel upset when…” instead of “You did this…” can reduce confrontation and encourage understanding.
The Foundation of a Succesful D/s Relationship
Trust is foundational to a successful D/s relationship. Building and maintaining trust involves communication, consistency, transparency, mutual respect, and accountability. By focusing on these principles, you can create a more fulfilling and peaceful dynamic.
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