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Meet Alesandra, Author at Dom Sub Living

Whether you’re just curious about kink, or you’re trying to live the BDSM lifestyle 24/7 — you’re in the right place.

Maybe you have no idea how to get started.
Need help improving and growing as a Dominant or submissive.
Feel isolated. You wish more people could relate to this lifestyle you’re wanting to live.

No matter where you are in your journey, I created Dom Sub Living to help you explore real BDSM.

How to Master BDSM Maintenance for Doms & subs

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When a Dominant or submissive starts a BDSM relationship, they’re usually very excited and motivated. But after some time passes, the realities of life begin to set in. What can keep a sub eager to serve and also prevent a Dom from neglecting their partner? BDSM maintenance!  When you hear that term, you may think […]

Tagged With: Dominant, Maintenance, Spankings, Submissive

5 Essential Scene Strategies for Your Next Play Session

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If you’re new to the lifestyle, or even if you’ve been playing for a while, you’ve probably wondered during a scene, “Am I doing it right?”  (The definition of a scene is a BDSM activity or encounter that involves a Dominant and submissive. It may also be referred to as “play” or “session.”) Well, I […]

What is BDSM CNC Kink? Consensual Non-Consent Explained by Embracing Trust and Connection.

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One of the most debated but rarely explained topics in the BDSM community is consensual non-consent. The real definition of this type of D/s relationship is one of deep trust, not abuse. And even though the CNC sex fantasy is pretty common, CNC kink/CNC fetish are still a taboo topic. Let’s look more closely, including […]

Tagged With: BDSM, Consensual Non-Consent, Contract, Definition, Examples, Ideas, Kink, Relationships, Sex

14 Doms Answer: What’s One Thing You Wish You Knew Before Becoming a Dominant?

Dominant Dom BDSM

Every Dom/sub dynamic is unique, which is why every Dominant learns different lessons and tips that work best for them. So for this special blog post, I’m bringing in 14 of my favorite Dominants in the BDSM community to answer the question, What’s one thing you wish you knew before becoming a Dom? Now, all […]

Tagged With: Dominant

15 Subs Answer: What’s One Thing You Wish You Knew Before Becoming a Submissive?

Submissive sub BDSM

Every Dom/sub dynamic is unique, which is why every submissive learns different lessons and tips that work best for them. So for this special blog post, I’m bringing in 15 of my favorite submissives in the BDSM community to answer the question, What’s one thing you wish you knew before becoming a sub? Now, all […]

Tagged With: Submissive

10 BDSM Aftercare Tips & Ideas for Dom/sub Couples

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During a BDSM scene or other kink activities, the Dominant and submissive can experience a huge endorphin rush, which can be a shock for both when the scene ends. BDSM aftercare is needed after the scene is over because it’s a way for those in a D/s (Dom/sub) relationship to calm back down. If your […]

Tagged With: Activities, Aftercare, BDSM, Checklist, Definition, Dominant, Ideas, Kink, Kit, Relationships, Sub drop, Submissive

The Ultimate Guide to a Safe BDSM Lifestyle

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In the BDSM community there is a saying: Safe, Sane, Consensual, or SSC. Whether you are new to the Dom/sub lifestyle or have been playing for a long time, this is the foundation for any D/s relationship. You should always follow these three principles and so should your partner.  But what does Safe, Sane, Consensual […]

Tagged With: Beginner, Bondage, Consensual Non-Consent, Contract, Fake Dom, Safewords

8 BDSM Bondage Ideas & Tips for Beginners

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Bondage is one of the fundamental aspects of BDSM. It may seem like just a sex kink, but it’s more than rope ties, tying someone up, or being tied. Real physical and emotional gratification comes from bondage. How can you get started and enjoy it safely, even if you’re a beginner? Here are 8 beginner-friendly […]

Tagged With: BDSM, Beginner, Bondage, Ideas, Kink, Sex, Tips

3 reasons why you need to watch the “Secretary”

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Probably one of the best BDSM movies is Secretary.  It stars actors Maggie Gyllenhaal and James Spader as the characters Lee Holloway and E. Edward Grey.  There is so much I love about this movie: the quotes, the horse scene, and the deeper meaning of pain explained.  Here is my review and why it’s one of […]

Tagged With: BDSM, Movies

BDSM Myths You Need to Stop Believing Now

bdsm myths

Whether you are just curious about BDSM or you have been playing for a long time, you have probably encountered many myths about it.  Below are some of the top ones debunked.  These were originally featured in the newsletter for “Dom Sub Living” and more will continue to be added. Sign up for the “Dom […]

Submissive’s Journal: The Ultimate Guide to Submissive Journal Prompts & Ideas

Submissive’s Journal

In beginning my BDSM journey as a sub, I thought keeping a submissive’s journal was very vanilla.  “Shouldn’t I just tell my Dom my feelings and ideas?” I didn’t think a submissive journal would be useful, but my Dominant wanted me to, so I obeyed.  Here’s what I’ve learned, plus some submissive journal prompts and […]

Tagged With: BDSM, Dominant, Examples, Ideas, Journal, Prompts, Submissive, Templates

Ask Me Anything

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A couple weeks ago I decided to do a Q and A, and I got a TON of questions.  There were a lot of really good ones and some original ones I’ve never been asked before. Thank you to everyone who submitted a question!  I hope you enjoy my answers. Q.  What got you into […]

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